¶ Muffleballers
¶ Encounters
¶ Muffleball Teams
¶ NPCs
¶ Quests
¶ Random Cannon Lore
¶ Random Quotes
¶
Session Notes
¶ Session 1: Introduction (7/18/24)
Each player character received invitations to a dinner party at Doug “Big Muff” Lomax's mansion deep within the Toxicant Greenway. Big Muff is a Muffle-ball superstar of the highest order and considered the Greatest-Of-All-Time (GOAT) by most people in the Muffle-ball Republic. Three strangers, Boulderbeard, Q'Nan and Tally, gather at the western gate and set out for the mansion together.
Along the path, the traveling companions found a dead horse. Upon inspections bloodfly maggots burst out of its stomach covering Boulderbeard and began burrowing into his rocky flesh. Then they turned into Bloodflies and swarm the party. Tally disengaged into the woods while the rest of the party scurried up the road. Tally used a wand to cast web and capture the swarm then set the web on fire with a tinder box. (Inspiration awarded) He also discovered that crisped bloodflies actually taste quite good and grant the benefit of goodberry.
Ronnie “Slippery Fingers” McMullens, a former Muffle-ball star in his own right, had been flanking the party and walks out of the woods greeting his friend Tally. Tally introduces him to the group. After traveling for a few hours the party encountered hostile poison elves. Their poison arrows dropped Boulderbeard who was already quite injured from the bloatfly attack earlier and left Q'Nan severely wounded. Tally appeared to run into the woods to hide but secretly flanked the poison elves. After dispatching the elves Q'Nan suggested a short rest to which the group gladly agreed.
Q’Nan and Boulderbeard were a bit roughed up. Tally handed them each a healing potion he recently found in the saddlebags of the dead horse and offered everyone some peppery jerky which everyone seemed to enjoy. Q’Nan led folks in a prayer to the Lord of Light.
The party arrived at Big Muff's Mansion just before sundown. This uber-mansion in the middle of the Toxicant Greenway is over-the-top in it's opulent, tacky, money-flexing extravagance. Big Muff shows off his wealth at every opportunity, from the the nude minotaur statues that grace the front lawn, to the topiary garden to the obscenely large gorgonwood door. When Tally knocks, at exactly sundown per the directions on the invitation which he may have taken more literally than strictly necessary, the door opened of its own accord. The floors too were beautiful gorgonwood. The walls were covered in actual velvet. Everything in the foyer spoke of a man with far too much money and very little taste.
Inside the ostentatious foyer which is festooned with images of Big Muff's glory days is an undead butler named Puddington, dressed to the nines. As the party enters he stirs and offers to lead them to the “master’s ballroom”. After plodding through hallway after hallway of tacky and overly decadent art that were all an ode to Big Muff's vanity, the party arrived at a large cherrywood door. Puddington opens the door to reveal a table set for the master of the house and five guests….. but only 4 of us traveled to the mansion together.
And that is where the session ends….
¶ Session 2: The Dinner Party (7/24/24)
As the party entered the dining room Puddington reviewed the invitations. It appears Tally was not invited and after some hand-wringing he apologized and excused himself. A few moments later a Thrikreen named Zezz was allowed entry in Tally's place. Puddington then places a superior healing potion at each dinner setting as a gift from our host. Big Muff enters and greets each of his guests and introduces a fifth guest, Tidus Efefex, an up and coming Muffleball prodigy.
Big Muff explains the reason he invited the party to this meeting is to ask for them to under take a quest. One of his goblin arcanists, Foot, conjures an illusion that shows a 30 history of Muffleball statistics in which The Bearded Gnomes have been at the bottom. Big Muff asks that this group return fairness to the game of Muffleball in an effort to save the Muffleball Republic and help The Bearded Gnomes improve their standings in the league.
- Ronnie, as a bonafide superstar of the old guard represents Muffleball's past.
- Tidus, as a up an coming prodigy represents Muffleball's future.
- Boulderbeard, as a Lord of Blades insider and cheater, represents the seedier side of the game.
- Zezz, as an enthusiast of the game represents the fans and knows a metric shit-ton about the game.
- Q'Nan, as a skeptic will keep this group grounded.
The party accepts the quests and Zezz is given a book that is one of a pair. When writing in one, the same writing appears on the other. Big Muff expects frequent reports. The party eats, drinks and is regaled with stories of Muffleball's glory days by Big Muff granting proficiency for all future Muffleball related history checks. The food granted everyone that ate 7 temp HP. The drink granted advantage on saving throws for 1 hour.
The goblin arcanists led by one by the name of Foot, perform a bit of ritual magic to create a protective bubble around the mansion to prevent the acid fog of the Toxicant Greenway from encroaching. After dinner, Ronnie past out some homegrown cigars that decreased intelligence but increased wisdom while affected. Big Muff, Boulderbeard and Ronnie engaged in a drinking contest that too the surprise of many Ronnie won. That granted Ronnie a permanent resistance to inebriating effects. After the drinking contest, the night ends and the party is escorted to their rooms.
Zezz sneaks about the mansion at night exploring the place to identify entrances and exits and pokes around Big Muff's trophy room. Zezz got the feeling something was missing but couldn't identify what it might be. He finds one door that is impassable due to what appears to be a magic ward.
The next morning, Tally is back and Zezz is nowhere to be found. Big Muff is apparently sleeping off his hangover. The party eats breakfast and discusses the path forward. Ronnie takes the opportunity to brew some potions and get a quick cooking lesson from the goblin staff. When the party leaves Q'Nan heads straight to Pythagoras. Boulderbeard and Tally go with Ronnie to stop by his home on the way. They witness a couple giant snails racing through the forest but are otherwise undisturbed on their way to Ronnie's abode. The party talked through ways of investigating our charge…well, mostly Tally talked, very quickly and used a lot of large words.
The party decided to start close to home. Tally will bring the party to The Bearded Gnome facility to poke around with a fresh set of eyes. Why does the team suck? Talent seems to leave quickly. Is that normal?
¶ Session 3: Muffleball is Life (7/25/24)
The party plodded through the Toxicant Greenway to Ronnie's cabin and arrived unmolested. Ronnie offered cookies and tea while puttering around his home preparing for an extended time away. He set out extra food, water and spoke with the many small spirits that drift about his cabin. Realizing that the party couldn't make it back to Pythagoras before nightfall when the acidic fog rolls in, Ronnie invited everyone to stay for the night.
In the morning, Boulderbeard donned an extremely convincing disguise and the party headed back to town and went straight to The Bearded Gnome Training Facility. Hal, the door guard, hassled the group but was eventually convinced to grant Boulderbeard a guest pass. Tidus gave the group a tour leading them to the locker room. He picked up a box of “viewing cubes” of his Muffleball games and the party headed to the “tape room”. Zezz, disguised as Tally, picked the lock to access the room. While Tidus showed his highlights, Zezz familiarized himself with organizational structure of the comprehensive archive of Muffleball games. He discovered that every single game for the entire league is included. There must be some form of league requirement that all teams have access to this archive.
Zezz, using his considerable Muffleball knowledge, identified two games in which The Bearded Gnomes seemed to have a chance at winning but something appears to have changed mid game resulting in another crushing loss. In viewing those games Boulderbeard identified extra people along the winning teams sideline, bald men that seemed out of place and intent on the game. They arrive at the turning point of the game wear The Bearded Gnomes players and mascot seemed to move lethargically and the opposing team moved unnaturally fast.
The group was interrupted by an assistant coach. Tidus distracted and annoyed him enough to by the party 18 more minutes. They sped through a viewing of the last couple minutes of 3 more games and saw the bald men in one more game. They were not the exact same people but something about them identified them as being from the same group.
After leaving the tape room, the party headed to the cafeteria to decide their next steps.
¶ Session 4: Following the threads (8/1/24)
After breakfast Tally excused himself from the group explaining that he has “mascot business" to which he must attend. His actions that afternoon are currently unknown.
The rest of the Party stays the night at Tidus' place
- Watch some of Tidus' tapes before bed
- Tidus gives Tally full access to all of his tapes
As night fell, Zezz, slipped back into the Muffleball Training Facility, his carapace shifting colors to hide his form in the shadows and made its way back to “The Tape Room”. Zezz pulled cubes for all of the Lords of Blades close games going back 30 years. He viewed the fourth quarter of each game on 4x speed paying close attention to the sidelines.
Zezz found the bald folks in cubes from as far back as thirty years ago. First a single man but over time their numbers and their influence over the outcome of the game grew. Zezz scribbled a note to Big Muff in the Book that describes the findings thus far.
The rest of the party take breakfast in the cafeteria which consists of a stunning variety of breakfast parms. After breakfast, a Waterboy delivers a note with crashing wave symbology to Tidus. The symbols are known to us as being from the Gewehr of Shabuli, a church/order of Shabuli, the water goddess.
The party knows the Gewehr of Shabuli are religious people that shave their heads and worship the goddess Shabuli. Tidus explains that if you ever see one of them you should walk up and say “Hey man, you cool?” and if they say yes you know they're not a cop.
Tidus gives the Waterboy an autographed headshot to which he responds “like a teenage girl at the Beatles”.
The note is written in Sylvan in perfect calligraphy-like penmanship. Tidus reads it to the group. It is an invitation to meet with the divine of the Gewehr of Shabuli. The note is not specific whether it is for Tidus specifically or for the whole group, but we assume it was meant for the whole group and the waterboy used it as a good opportunity to get an autograph from Tidus. ( “Well duh” - Tidus)
On the way to the Gewehr of Shabuli, there is a large amount of homelessness and poverty. Tidus and Boulderbeard are basically immune to it, but it's startling to Ronnie. As the party is walking through a rougher section of town with a higher density of homelessness. We know the larger density is partly due to the proximity to the soup kitchens and homeless shelter run by the Gewehr of Shabuli. Here the players learn that the Gewehr of Shabuli are also known for healing arts and divination arts, and that they use those skills liberally to help others. They are generally considered a positive force in Pythagoras. As they are walking through town, homeless people begin popping out of tents and circling the party. Ronnie notices a glint of a bladed weapon on one of them. He mentions it to the party. Tidus and Boulderbeard both draw weapons, Ronnie convinces the people that we are on our way to help the soup kitchen. The aggressors “apologize silently” while backing away. Also notable during the rest of the walk is a large number of feral cats and occasional feral dog, as well as many rats.
The party makes it to the Gewehr of Shabuli. It is a striking building designed to look like crashing waves on a beach. The overall structure/facade is flowing then crashes up on the side where there's a tower. There is some light coloration mixed into the building (perhaps blue granite) meant to look like threads of the wave.
A girl meets the party at the door and invites them in. She is a mousy lady with small features. She is “lightly elven”, about 4'10" in height, with creamy white skin, a shaved head, lightly pointed ears, and a slight bony structure. She is wearing flowing light blue attire - similar to hindu monk attire but light blue instead of orange). She holds the door open for the party. Ronnie walks in first, followed by Boulderbeard. Tidus follows in last, and takes a moment to flirt with the girl - which is not noticed by Ronnie and Boulderbeard. A homeless shelter and a food pantry are additions built on to the side of the main building, clearly stapled on quickly without matching style just to get something functional built. Many of the walls in the main building are all painted with pristine scenes of water, some are just simple water tones with white speckles. The rooms closest to the entrance seem to be reserved for divinations. The doors are all open, which suggests people are transparent here. In those rooms are bowls full of water, reflecting pools, crystal balls, etc (all water themed divination rooms). They seem to be meant for when the public citizens come in for services. At the end of the hallway is a door with holes in it that appears to be made of living coral. Boulderbeard asks how the coral lives outside of water, and the girl replies “through the blessings of the divine”. Approximate time walking through the building to get to this door is 6 mins.
Tidus takes Ronnie's guest pass for the training facility and hands it to the girl. She replies “Such an ass. You were so close too. But maybe”.
Through the door is a fairly large room with a large half-circle reflecting pool filled with sparkling crystal-clear liquid on one side, and a pedestal with a bowl filled with water on the other side. The reflecting pool has stairs going down into it. At the end of the room is a desk made of coral with a piece of driftwood sitting on top of it. Behind the desk is a lady wearing the same robes as the girl that guided the party here, but clearly older. She appears to be full elvan, with a shaved head. We guess she is likely 55-60 years old. She smiles as the party enters and says “I was expecting you. You're late”. There are chairs in front of her desk almost like camping chairs, enough for the whole group. She motions at the chairs and the party sits. Tidus attempts to sit cool and is NOT cool. He sits on the arm of the chair and knocks it over. The ladies giggle at him. The older woman addresses the girl that guided the party here and says “You are free to leave, Serai”. Serai gives a bow (not a curtsey) and runs out.
The old lady says that Big Muff wrote her and asked her to help us. She then spends some time messing with Tidus by telling him he's going to die in a fire tomorrow - Tidus doesn't realize it's a joke and it's a whole thing. Then the old lady gets back to business and says she asked Big Muff to let her help us (a contradiction?). Woman has a long conversation directly with Ronnie that goes a bit over Boulderbeard and Tidus' heads. The conversation is some kind of metaphor about wheat, water, and a wheel.
- “We have the wheat that we have, we have the water that we have, perhaps the wheel is the thing that we can change"
- “This wheel has ground that wheat into something it should not be”
Seems to be that Big Muff views this as a Muffleball problem while the Divine sees it as a systemic problem that harms disenfranchised people. Ronnie definitely understood this, Boulderbeard started picking up on this towards the end of the long analogy, Tidus definitely does not pick up on it.
The woman offers to make Tidus' sword better, but Tidus has to accept a deal with the Shabuli. After some back and forth, Tidus accepts. The woman claps her hands together and water flows out from her, passing the whole party, and then into the sword in Tidus' hands. The water left the whole party damp. Tidus' sword begins to glow blue slightly. It is now the “Dormant blade of Shabuli”, which makes it a +2 sword and also gives it the additional property “critical hits have an additional 2d6 water damage”.
Ronnie asks the woman about the bald people rigging the Muffleball games. She doesn't recognize the people but agrees that it's odd that they appear. She offers to allow the party to look into the bowl on the pedestal “What you see may not be pleasant”. She asks each party member individually whether they will look. She tells Boulderbeard he deserves a chance at redemption, which Ronnie silently agrees with. Boulderbeard verbally accepts her offer for a chance at redemption, and she grants him a permanent +1 wisdom. The woman sweeps her hand over the pool of liquid (presumably water?). Stars start to form like it was reflecting the heavens in the middle of the night. Mist starts to form in the water, almost making a whirlpool. Boulderbeard and Ronnie notice that the Divine grows concerned at the mist that's spinning in her water as though this is NOT something that happens normally. The water swirls and gets darker - it was a crystal clear blue but now we cannot see the bottom of the bowl anymore. The divine's concern level grows substantially. She starts to say something “I have never seen…” then tentacles burst from the water in the bowl and attempts to grapple everyone in the party. (Final Fantasy X battle theme starts playing as soon as Tidus rolls initiative)
¶ Encounter Summary:
Ronnie, Boulderbeard, and the Divine are restrained
- The party does NOT notice Boulderbeard drinking unicorn horn smoothie. He rages and the eye on his shield glows. He tries to stab the tentacle holding him with a trident but he misses and stabs Tidus' foot instead
- Tidus does some damage to the tentacle grappling the Divine - freeing her
- A tentacle tries to grapple Tidus, Tidus does some damage to it as well and it fails the grapple
- Ronnie misty steps out of the grapple then breaks a decorative plate on the wall
- The divine backs up 20 feet and attempts to end the divination. The circle on top of the pool of water starts to shrink
- Boulderbeard: swing and a miss
- Tidus damages the tentacle restraining Boulderbeard
- Tentacle pulls Boulderbeard to the edge of the pool of water - Ronnie and Divine evade being grappled again
- Boulderbeard tries and fails to break grapple
- Tidus slashes at Boulderbeard's tentacle again but misses
- Tentacles re-restrain Divine
- Ronnie did something here but Matt missed what it was…
- Divine starts casting a spell
- Boulderbeard attacks recklessly and finally does some damage to the tentacle holding him
- Tidus attacks the Boulderbeard tentacle and kills it, then action surges and kills the tentacle holding the Divine as well
- the two remaining tentacles start to recede, Boulderbeard kills one of them with an opportunity attack, Tidus nearly kills the other one with an opportunity attack
- Ronnie attacks the last tentacle and destroys it
The water goes back to clear. Ronnie and the Divine both heal Boulderbeard. The divine apologizes to Boulderbeard (the only one to take any damage).
Divine to Boulderbeard: “There comes a time in the near future that you receive a weapon. At first it may seem inconsequential, or even averse, but in the end it will be your best friend".
Divine to Tidus: “Fantastic work, bless you for saving us”. Inspiration to Tidus and the effects of “Bless” for 24 hrs
Divine to Ronnie:
- “I depend on you to steer these individuals to a successful conclusion. I impart these three things: ”
- Truths in the puckered devil's anus
- truths in the seas which my people have never seen
- truths in the depths which i hope to never see
- “These are your truths Ronnie. You may choose to follow them wherever they may lead. Or you may choose to maintain the wheel as it is around you.”
- “One more small thing: I offer you this stone”
- Gives Ronnie a simple nondescript stone. “It's use shall become apparent in later days. You remember you have this stone. If you should ever have a need, hold this stone tightly and help will arrive”
- Gives Ronnie a big hug
- “Ronnie, you above all else, I want you to succeed. Not just for the disenfranchised around us but for you."
- “You may always contact me”
- Slips a rock into Ronnie's pocket “Do not let any of your compatriots know”
- “I will give you the blessing of my goddess, because I believe you most of all will see to the aid of these people”
- “I will give you three things if you will accept them:”
- “First, my address where I live - visit any time you like”
- “Second, I will give you the blessing of my goddess”
- Ronnie gets permanent “bless" effect unless he does something to revoke that effect
- “Third, I give you knowledge. Your truth lies somewhere on the planes”
- "Something in the ‘puckered’ region of the planes provides the truths that you need"
- “Elements of your truth will be revealed along the way. The first element is in the planes. You must go north and seek what She divines."
- Kisses Ronnie on the cheek - he gains a level
¶ Session 5: The Winding Path (8/8/24)
After leaving the Gewehr of Shabuli, Ronnie led the party through town to look for an artisan to work the stone he received from The Divine into a necklace. He found a suitable place and for 4 gold he received the stone shaped into a crashing wave on a hemp thong. The party then went to the Muffleball Training Facility looking for Tally but Hal, the portly security guard, told him that Tally wasn't there. Hal happily gave Ronnie directions to Tally's residence.
The group arrived at Tally's residence in a nice middle-class suburb of Pythagoras. It is a quaint cottage. The front porch has raised planter boxes that have been neglected. The plants lay over the planter box edge dead. The curtains on the windows are flimsy and closed. The front door is solid wood. It has intricate carvings that depict flowers, vines and trees. There is a iron rod gate that leads to a small backyard and an untended garden.
Ronnie knocked on the door and after a minute Tally answers. He seems surprised to see the party at his residents and begrudgingly invites them into his foyer. The interior was warm and welcoming at some point but has since gathered a layer of dust. There is a single door leading to the house interior straight ahead and a bistro table with two chairs right in front of the window. A kettle, two teacups and a small plate of biscuits are set out as if Tally is expecting company, but the kettle is cold, the teacups have stagnant liquid in them, and the biscuits are moldy. A family portrait carved out of wood by a master craftsman and beautifully painted is displayed on a shelf just above the table.
Ronnie explains all that occurred at the Gewehr of Shabuli and the parties intent to travel to the puckered region of the No Name plains. Tally says that “Mr. Zezz” would be a much better guide and that Tally won't be joining the party on this trip. Tally then shares that “Mr. Zezz” reviewed quite a bit of game footage and learned a great deal about the bald people that appear to be influencing the Muffleball games.
1) They’ve been around for 30 years.
2) They appear to simply teleport in. No entrance or exit. One frame they aren’t there, the next they are.
3) They don’t interact with anyone and no one seems to notice them.
4) There are both male and female members of this organization.
5) They have no real human mannerisms. No blinking, no scratching their nose. Very still.
6) They’ve increased in numbers over the years, they all look similar but not the same. No distinguishing feature or ornamentation.
Lastly, Tally informs Ronnie that his botched play, the missed catch that ended his career and the catalyst for him exiling himself into the Toxicant Greenway was influenced by the bald folks. “Mr. Zezz” has given these people a name, “The Adversary”.
After that soaks in, the group prepares to travel to the No Name Plains. Zezz informs the group that they will need camouflaged tents to hide their weak “Vaesh” forms while they sleep. The No Name Plains are dangerous. The travel is 7 hard days march at a minimum and they should prepare however they see fit. Zezz advises against pack animals as those are just food for hunters on the plains. Zezz, in his guise as Tally, leads the group to an outfitter to purchase 2 camouflage tents and any supplies they might need.
Once preparations are complete Ronnie wanders the area around the Gewehr of Shabuli to tend to the homeless. He purifies water and casts goodberry and hands them out liberally. He gains some adoration and appreciation from the people.
We set out to travel the No Name Plains late in the afternoon with Zezz in the lead.
¶ Day one on the No Name Plains (0.25 of 7 traveled)
Zez keeps an eye on the sky and identifies two shapes wheeling about in lazy loops in the distance. Through a zig zagging route that offers some concealment the party avoid two giant condors. After ¼ days travel the party tucks in for the night. Zezz is perched on a rock and camouflaged. The rest of the party is under camouflaged tents. Ronnie awakens to two giant centipedes trying to devour him. Zezz slays the centipedes with his crossbow and daggers. The rest of the night is uneventful and the party sets out again at first light.
¶ Day two on the No Name Plains (0.5 of 7 traveled)
As the party sets out a storm is brewing and eventually cuts loose in the plains. Zezz guides the group to group of rocks that offer partial cover and a bit of higher ground. Swift rains cause flash floods in the plains. Zezz says that it is best to wait it out. Eventually, a feeling like static electricity building causes Zezz to freak out believing there is an imminent lightning strike. He telepathically shouts for the group to scatter but there is nowhere to go. Our high ground is surrounded by a high water. Ronnie uses shape water to part the rain above us and shouts that we should be safer here. The shouting causes a feeling of ominous attention directed at the party. A cloud forms into a storm elemental and attacks. Ronnie tears into it with magic stone and his swarms. Zezz's weapons are less effective. The Storm Elemental shouts at the party to go away. Zezz tries to find a path for the group to hide in a nearby cluster of trees. Ronnie shapes a small wall of ice and hides the party from the Storm Giant. The big dopey storm loses track of the party and departs smugly.
After the rain subsides the party rolls out stomping through the muddy plains in the aftermath of the storm. Zezz identifies a large grouping of canine tracks on a path similar to our own. He adjusts the party's path to diverge from the large group of dogs. It is now noon and we've travel another ¼ days distance.
¶ Session 6: First steps towards destiny (8/17/24)
Zezz leads the group heading north towards the puckered region of the No Name Plains. Off in the distance a 4 legged creature flies in lazy circles apparently searching for prey. Zezz leads the group in a slower but safer route from cover to cover to avoid the attention of the flying creature. As the group trudges on and night approaches Zezz looks for a place to camp. Unfortunately, the howls of two groups of canines alert the party that they are being hunted in a coordinated fashion. Zezz poisons some of his “jerky” and leaves it behind, alters course and speeds up looking for a defensible position. The group finds a boulder and hill that will offer advantage. Ronnie casts Fog and uses his ability to shape water to create a ring of obscuring fog around their position. (ART)
The group hears one of the groups of canines howl and yelp in pain. It is surmised that this group found the poisoned meat. Zezz declares that "they have learned Zezz is no Vaesh to be hunted." The other canines seem to approach more tentatively and due to the haven Ronnie's fog provides, don't find the group.
Everyone but Zezz settles in to sleep but are soon awakened by the bites of acid ants. Ronnie tells the insects to go away and they leave him alone. Tidus screams and rolls around on the ground picking up more ants. Ronnie creates water over the group to wash away the ants but it is ineffective. Thinking the encounter over, Ronnie rolls back over and sleeps comfortably.
Zezz and Boulderbeard free themselves from the ants. Zezz attempts to assist Tidas by dragging him off the ant mound but Tidas, thinking Zezz is a giant ant, calls him a monstrosity (technically correct) and resists. The ants continue to gnaw at Tidus and he eventually lights a cigarette and puffs away in resignation. Zezz lights a torch and instructs him to hold still and burns away the ants. It is painful but Tidus endures it without complaint (for once) and the ants are burned away.
Once the party is free of the ants swarming over them, Zezz lights additional torches and clears the boulder by sweeping the flames over the ants and watching them pop and sizzle. He telepathically screams at them “I am not Vaesh, I am not your prey. You must learn.” After that we settled back in for some sleepy-time and awoke refreshed after the nights events.
¶ Session 7: An ambush gone awry (8/22/24)
¶ Day three on the No Name Plains (1.5 of 7 traveled)
The party sets out on a vigorous pace and realizes that a herd of cows passed through the area 5 or 6 days ago. As much as a good meal would be welcome, Zezz pushes the party to continue towards our destination. After a few more hours of travel the party comes upon a couple copses of trees. Zezz guides the party around the left side. As the party approaches the sound of a twig snapping underfoot from within the tree line breaks the silence…..Roll for Initiative.
¶ Encounter summary
- Initiative Order
- Tidus 22
- Boulderbeard 14
- Zezz 10
- Gnolls 10
- Ronnie 6
- Round 1
- Tidus
- Narrative: Tidus stops tossing his muffleball from hand to hand and readies it for a throw.
- Movement: None
- Action: Ready a ranged attack with his Muffleball
- Bonus Action: None
- Boulderbeard
- Narrative: Boulderbeard draws his trident and readies it for a throw.
- Movement: None
- Action: Ready a ranged attack with his trident
- Bonus Action: None
- Zezz
- Narrative: Zezz dashes forward and hides at the tree line with a dagger drawn.
- Movement: 30 feet
- Action: Dash 30 feet
- Bonus Action: Hide
- Gnolls (3 Martial, 1 Shaman)
- Narrative: 3 gnolls with large bows and one with fetishes, scars and painted fur jump out (Held actions triggered).
- Boulderbeard throws his trident at one of gnolls with a bow (hit/9dmg). The gnoll yips like a hurt dog and trident sticks out him
- Tidus throws his muffleball and misses. It sails past the gnoll into the woods.
- Action: 3 Gnolls shoot arrows at Boulderbeard (1 hit). Gnoll Shaman draws sigils in the air and a bunch of purple darts appear air and stream at Boulderbeard (magic missile)
- Movement: 4 more gnolls emerge from the right copse of trees, 1 has a really gross unwashed morningstar, two appear be shamans
- Ronnie
- Narrative: Ronnie's air spirits enchant a few stones (Magic Stone) and he shoots one using his hoopak (miss).
- Movement: None
- Action: Sling a magic stone using his hoopak
- Bonus Action: Casts magic stone
- Tidus
- Round 2
- Tidus
- Narrative: Tidus shouts his warcry "Muffleball is life!", runs up and attacks the shaman with Brotherhood (his water sword)
- Movement: 30 feet
- Action: Attack with Brotherhood
- Bonus Action: None?
- Boulderbeard
- Narrative: Boulderbeard drinks a unicorn horn smoothie (rage) then dashes up to the gnolls. Ronnie sees him drink the smoothie.
- Movement: 30 feet
- Action: Dash 30 feet
- Bonus Action: Rage
- Zezz
- Narrative: Zezz drinks a potion of giant growth to become ginormous and stalks up behind the gnolls screaming into there minds and attacks one.
- Movement: 10 feet
- Action: Attack (miss)
- Bonus Action: Drink potion of giant growth
- Gnolls
- Narrative: Two Gnolls attack Tidus (miss) and One Gnoll attacks Boulderbeard (Crit 15 slashing reduced to 7 for rage). One Gnoll Shaman, "non-plussed" casts Command: "Flee" on Tidus (failed save). 4 more gnolls move into engage. One Gnoll Shaman casts Command: “Flee” on Zezz (failed save). Another Gnoll Shaman casts Magic Missile on Zezz (12 dmg). Two Gnolls attack Zezz with swords (miss)
- Note: Command movement is NOT forced movement and would trigger attack of opportunity
- Ronnie
- Narrative: Ronnie casts Shield of Faith on himself (+2 AC, Concentration) then slings a magic stone using the magic item feature “two birds one stone”.
- Movement: None
- Action: Sling magic stone with hoopak using “two bird one stone”
- Bonus Action: Cast Shield of Faith
- Tidus
- Round 3
- Tidus
- Narrative: Tidus flees against his will but uses evasive footwork to avoid attacks of opportunity. One hit with a disgusting cleaver hits and Tidus gets a bloodborne pathogen (diseased)
- Movement: 30 feet
- Action: Dash 30 feet
- Bonus Action: None
- Reaction: Riposte - Reaction to hit the scimitar dude that missed him (Hit). Brotherhood sweeps through the dude's neck and freezes the carotid artery - he's very dead
- Boulderbeard
- Narrative: Boulderbeard yanks the trident out of the gnoll (grapple roll, success = 1d10 + 3 dmg +2 for rage) - only rolled a 2 so 7 dmg so sad “Dude's a sad puppy” + "They can smell my rage" Apparently, rage smells like unicorn horn smoothie oozing out of all of his pores.
- Movement: None:
- Action: Pull out the trident
- Bonus Action: None
- Zezz
- Narrative: Zezz disengages and flees against his will (60 feet)
- Gnolls (3 Gnolls Shamans, 3 Gnolls)
- Narrative: Hurt gnoll in front of boulderbeard drinks a healing potion, drops his sword and tries to bite Boulderbeard (crit fail). Boulderbeard uppercuts him with shield. His jaw is shattered and all of teeth fell out. Gnoll Shaman casts Bane on Boulderbeard (failed save) Boulderbeard now has -d4 on attacks and saves. Two Gnolls stab at Boulderbeard (1 miss, 1 hit). Two Gnoll Shamans cast Magic Missile on Boulderbeard and he drops.
- Ronnie
- Narrative: Ronnie casts healing word on Boulderbeard and shoots another magic stone with his hoopak.
- Movement: None
- Action: shoots another magic stone with his hoopak (miss).
- Bonus Action: casts Healing Word
- Tidus
- Round 4
- Tidus
- Narrative: Tidus dashes up to the shaman
- Boulderbeard
- Narrative: Boulderbeard slams another smoothie and attacks with his trident
- Movement: standing up (15 feet)
- Action: Attacks with trident through the skull of the hurt bow guy while standing and he's very dead
- Bonus Action: Rage
- Note: Keep the fella in our memory because it might matter later
- Zezz
- Narrative: Zezz pulls out wand and targets all 5 remaining gnolls with a web spell (all fail save)
- Movement: 30 feet
- Action: Cast Web
- Bonus Action: Dash 20 feet
- Notes and Quotes:
- "Zezz is not vaesh" - Scott
- Very short love letter from gnolls to Zezz: "Dear Zezz, fuck you, signed, the gnolls"
- Gnolls (3 Shaman, 2 Gnolls) Shaman 1 - inflict wounds at disadvantage against Boulderbeard
- Narrative: All five gnolls are restrained in webs attached to the trees. First Gnoll Shaman casts Inflict Wounds at Boulderbeard (miss). Second Gnoll Shaman casts Tasha's Caustic Brew hitting Tidus (failed save) and Boulderbeard (failed save) causing them to take 2d4 acid damage at start of thier turns until acid is off. Third Gnoll Shaman casts Witch Bolt at Boulderbeard (hit/9dmg) dropping him again. Two remaining Gnolls attack Tidus (1 hit, 1 miss)
- Ronnie
- Narrative: Ronnie uses Healing Word on Boulderbeard again and shoots another magic stone at the Gnoll Shaman (hit, 12 dmg, loses concentration) concentrating on Bane. He shouts in Goblin: "If you flee, I won't hurt you. If you don't, I can promise my friends will." Then yells to the party, "I think they're gonna leave, man"
- Tidus
- Round 5
- Tidus
- Narrative: Tidus attacks the Gnoll Shaman that is Witch Bolt-ing Boulderbeard.
- Movement: None
- Action: Attacks with brotherhood (hit, 11 dmg , concentration check - pass) :(
- Bonus Action: second wind
- Boulderbeard
- Narrative: Boulderbeard takes acid damage: (4dmg SO CLOSE, only 1 hp remaining) then downs a superior healing potion, then pulls out flint and steel to set the web on fire.
- Movement: None
- Action: Light the web on fire
- Bonus Action: superior healing potion
- Zezz
- Narrative: Zezz hurls a clay container of oil at the restrained Gnoll Shaman smashing it through his skull, killing him instantly and setting his body ablaze. The fire rages but the shaman is too dead to feel it burn. Zezz broadcasts “There is no escape” telepathically to the gnolls
- Movement: None
- Action: Throw oil. Hit, for 17 dmg from 1d4+4 (dagger) + 1d4 (Enlarge) + 2d6 (sneak attack) - “dude is so dead”
- Bonus Action:
- Notes and Quotes:
- "Did I say disheartened earlier? Because I'm disheartened" - Shawn
- Zezz broadcasts "I am your death" to all the gnolls - 1 dark point (Zezz now at 49 - 50 being neutral - scale of 0-100 dark vs light)
- Gnolls (2 Gnoll Shaman, 2 Gnolls)
- Narrative: One Gnoll Shaman casts Heat Metal on Boulderbeard's shield which begins glowing red hot (failed save) causing damage and forcing Boulderbeard to drop the shield (-2 AC). The second Gnoll Shaman casts Magic Missile at Tidus. Tidus yawns in response. The two remaining Gnolls also attack tidus and both miss (expends luck point)
- Notes and Quotes:
- Bane gnoll on fire having bad day
- Worst day in his entire life - "It's just bad, it's just bad"
- When Tidus yawns: "That's so fucked dude. The future just got so much darker for you" - Shawn
- Ronnie
- Narrative: Ronnie walks towards group
- Tidus
- Round 6
- Tidus
- Narrative: The Shaman that cast Heat metal is bearly clinging on to life. Tidus murders the fuck out of him
- Notes and Quotes:
- "Tidus is quite friendly with himself" - Shawn
- Boulderbeard
- Narrative: Boulderbeard takes acid damage (3) and stabs his trident into the remaining Gnoll Shaman's face but it doesn't kill him. :(
- Zezz
- Narrative: Zezz stalks up to the remaining shaman while sliding his dagger into a vial of poison then jams the dagger up through his jaw - pierces through top of skull because of enlarge potion (1 more dark point) for 23 damage
- Gnolls (2 Gnolls left)
- Narrative: The remaining gnolls try to flee. Tidus and Boulderbeard opportunity attacks. Tidus kills 1 and Boulderbeard misses. Zezz screams after him "there is no escape" their brains (another dark point). The gnoll is now 60 ft away.
- Ronnie
- Narrative: Ronnie walks up to dead Gnolls and says a prayer for them. Shabuli appreciates care taken to other creatures - permanent bless gets another +1
- Tidus
- Round 7
- Tidus yells - "You can't take my muffleball!"
- Boulderbeard
- Narrative: Boulderbeard runs after the fleeing Gnoll and throws trident for 7 damage. Not enough to kill him but it does pin his leg to a tree with trident
- Zezz
- Narrative: Zezz runs up to pinned Gnoll, mounts it and stabs it. Zezz, still giant, grabs body and drags it into the other copse of trees away from where anyone can see then flays the body to create jerky
- Notes and Quotes:
- Guy is so dead - 20 dmg total
- The meat is tainted with a mild poison. DC 8 con save throw for anyone eating jerky for a bit to get sick
Boulderbeard collects his trident and shield and wipes off the acid. He suggests we stop for a short rest. During that time bodies are looted and weapons are recovered. Boulderbeard finds a Wand of Magic Missile, gold (11), silver (37) and a small doll made from twigs and grass almost like a kid gave it to him for good luck on his ambush. Boulderbeard tosses the doll back on the body. Zezz, away from the rest of the party obscured by the copse of trees flays his prey and loots the body. They finds a few pieces of gold (3) and silver (5).
As we pack up and continue on our way, Ronnie walks up and pretends to say one last "prayer" for the Gnoll that was carrying the doll. He instead places the doll in the Gnoll's hand and cast Spare the Dying on it, then chase after the others. It is early afternoon when the party sets out. The party has managed another ¼ day of travel.
¶ Session 8: Hello Deer…. (8/29/24)
Zezz trudges back to the party after spending 30 minutes and gathers everyone for travel at a quick pace towards the objective (¼ travel). As the afternoon presses on the party spots a few four-legged shaped along the trail ahead (Encounter roll: 47). Boulderbeard can't quite make out what they are at this distance (Perception: 19) but there are 3 of them. They are 4 legged, medium-sized creatures, 1 larger and 2 smaller that appear to be grazing on the scrubby plants along the trail. As we approach (200 feet), more details come into focus. They are light brown but their faces are white.
Zezz, not having as many details as Boulderbeard (Perception: 6) plans to arc around the creatures keeping approximately 90 feet between us and them and the party follows. At approximately, 120ft away the largest of the creatures notices the party and makes a clicking sound. The party can see they creatures have white faces and the largest has antlers. The clicking sound travels a great distance on the flat terrain.
Zezz tries to identify the creatures (Nature: Nat 1) and is 100% sure they are normal deer. He abandons the plan to arc around them and instead picks up his pace towards them assuming they will run away as he approaches. The two smaller creatures do but the largests turns his glowing red eyes on us and the clicking sounds is joined by a deep-throated growl. Roll initiative….
Encounter Summary:
- Initiative
- Deer Creatures: Higher than 20
- Boulderbeard: 20
- Zezz: 12 (11+1D8 / Gift of Alacrity from Ronnie)
- Papa Deer
- Narrative: Charges Zezz but lowers horns into the earth becoming restrained. Now that it is closer the party can make out more details of the creatures
- Much larger mouth than a deer (goes to back of head)
- Many serrated teeth on the inside
- Slobber dripping out
- Snake-like tongue keeps flipping out
- Much larger mouth than a deer (goes to back of head)
- Narrative: Charges Zezz but lowers horns into the earth becoming restrained. Now that it is closer the party can make out more details of the creatures
- Mama and Baby Deer
- Narrative: Smaller deer moved farther off to the side - now 90 ft away
- Boulderbeard
- Narrative: Boulderbeard dashes up to the large deer and blade wards as a bonus action.
- Ronnie
- Narrative: Ronnie thinks it's a cute regular deer - doesn't attack but holds an attack action - will fire rock if a teammate gets hurt by the cute deer
- Zezz
- Narrative: Zezz pulls out his Wand of Web and casts at the restrained Large Deer. (save at disadvantage because of restrained condition, failed save). Zezz then backs away and granting the restrained Large Deer an attack of opportunity (disadvantage, Miss). This triggers Boulderbeard's Sentinel feat and he attacks (hit, 4 damage). Zezz then poisons and loads a crossbow bolt.
- Ronnie's held action triggers (miss)
- Papa Deer
- Narrative: It frees antlers from ground but still restrained by web and uses its action to try and free itself (DC 15 strength save as an action, fails). It's red eyes start to glow brighter, little bit of smoke coming from eyes (really pissed)
- Mama and Baby Deer
- Narrative: They sprint towards the party to try to help papa deer but are still 35 ft away from us. Baby is frothing at the mouth and has small horns ("Button buck" or "Spike horn"). Mama has no antlers.
- Boulderbeard
- Narrative: Boulderbeard stabs the restrained Papa Deer with his trident (hit, 9 dmg)
- Zezz
- Narrative: Zezz moves closer and fires his crossbow at bay deer (miss) and drops ball-bearings in the dirt in front of him then moves back to his original position.
- Ronnie
- Narrative: Shoots a stone at Papa Deer (Miss)
- Papa Deer
- Narrative: Papa Deer enters a state equivalent of rage granting it advantage on saving throws and breaks free of webs and tries to charge Zezz. This triggers an Attack of Opportunity by Boulderbeard (hit, 8 dmg) due to Sentinel Feat and drops Papa Deer's movement to 0 canceling the Charge (Baller move)
- Mama and Baby Deer
- Narrative: Mama and Baby adjust their target and charge Boulderbeard because he is attacking Papa. Mama misses but Baby CRITS for 27 damage (Matt really wishing he raged last turn)
- Boulderbeard
- Narratvie: Boulderbeard rages and reckless attacks Papa Deer (Hit, 6 dmg). If Zezz didn't notice Boulderbeard juicing before he definitely does now. Papa is bloody
- Zezz
- Narrative: Zezz moves to flank Papa and stabs with his dagger (CRIT+ Sneak Attack!) for 22 damage halved due to Papa's rage like state. Zezz backs up granting Papa an Attack of Opportunity but at disadvantage due to Boulderbeard's rage feature, Ancestral Protectors. “While raging, the first creature you hit with an attack on your turn has disadvantage on any attack that isn't against you, and when the target hits a creature other than you, that creature has resistance to the damage dealt by the attack.”
- The AoO misses and Boulderbeard uses Sentinel Feature again to attack Papa (Hit, 9 dmg, halved due to Papa's rage)
- Zezz tosses caltrops on ground in front of him and stand there with daggers in hand
- Narrative: Zezz moves to flank Papa and stabs with his dagger (CRIT+ Sneak Attack!) for 22 damage halved due to Papa's rage like state. Zezz backs up granting Papa an Attack of Opportunity but at disadvantage due to Boulderbeard's rage feature, Ancestral Protectors. “While raging, the first creature you hit with an attack on your turn has disadvantage on any attack that isn't against you, and when the target hits a creature other than you, that creature has resistance to the damage dealt by the attack.”
- Ronnie
- Narrative: Ronnie flings a wind spirit stone at Papa Deer (Hit, 4 dmg)
- Papa Deer
- Narrative: Papa tries to gore Boulderbeard with his antlers (Hit, 6 dmg) - 22 hits - 6 dmg - Boulderbeard falls. Papa's jaws widen and his head hinges back to a 45 degree angle and chomps down on Boulderbeard (2 failed death saves). As the rest of the party runs up, Papa deer runs off with Mama and Baby scampering after him.
- Boulderbeard
- Narrative: Boulderbeard bleeds out before anyone can get to him (death save: fail - super duper dead)
Due to Player absence a moment was reserved in time to Retcon a memorial for Boulderbeard. Zezz relieved him of his items and a small cairn of stones rests atop his body to keep the scavengers from him.
After Boulderbeard's body was covered in stone and as evening turned to night, Zezz led the party to look for a safer place to camp. In the distance a fire could be seen burning. Initially the party was going to avoid it but the camper signaled welcome in the custom of the No Name Plains by allowing the fire to billow with white smoke. Zezz excused himself briefly and returned as Tally to meet the campers.
The party found what appeared to be a portly and jovial man in large cloak sitting alone by the fire with a blanket stretched out beside him with various goods. He After some talk of where we are from and where we are heading he introduced himself as Nicomedes, a trader that travels the No Name Plains peddling his wares. After some back and forth between Tally and the trader the party acquired a replenishing pouch of Dust of Tracelessness, 2 healing potions and 2 stamina potions in exchange for Boulderbeard's Sentinel Shield.
In exchange for more details of our story, Nicomedes offered us a scarf (No name given) that would reduce the likelihood of running into trouble while traveling the plains (-20 on Encounter table rolls). As the night pressed Nicomedes continued to press us for details of our story and offers to help. We ended the night with a drink that caused all of us to sleep well. Any who drank received a long rest and +10 temp hit points.
When we awoke, Nicomedes and any sign of his camp were gone.
¶ Session: 9 Just Plains Weird (9/5/24)
¶ Day Four on the No Name Plains (3.75 of 7 traveled)
The party wakes up refreshed. Tally jogs behind a large rock and quickly transforms back into Zezz. Zezz dawns the scarf obtained from Nichomedes and drops a pinch of the Dust of Tracelessness before pressing the group to leave quickly at a fast pace. After traveling for half a day the party arrives at a low area of the plains. It is swampier than the previous travel. As they approach, a creature made of plants, vines, moss, rocks and clods of dirt emerges from the ground and trudges forward threateningly. As it rears up, a mote of green line can be seen at its core.
A group of cute little Pygmy Shroomlings yip and dance excitedly as the Plains Elemental attacks.
INSERT MATT'S ENCOUNTER SUMMARY:
Zezz pulls out the wand of magic missiles and fires a volley of 3 blue-white darts of energy at the charging Plains Elemental (Hit, 9 dmg). Zezz draws himself up to their full height and spreads their arms with wands, hand-crossbow and daggers in their hands. Zezz telepathically screams “Zezz is NOT VAESH" and then fires a crossbow bolt into the creature (Hit, 9 dmg, Vexxed). Ronnie moves forward yells to the creature using Speech of Beast and Leaf telling the Plains Elemental that we are not its enemies. The creature slows its charge but at some urging from the Shroomlings shakes it off and continues to aggressively shamble forward. Zezz advances within 30 feet of the creature and fires another bolt into it blasting a hole where its head may have been (CRIT, 29 dmg) and the beast falls apart leaving behind the glowing green mote. Ronnie recognizes it as condensed primal magic, known as a "Heart of the Plains."
Many of the Pygmy Shroomlings scatter in fear but some try to lift the mote of primal energy. They struggle and are unable to lift it. Ronnie tries to use his swarm (Mage Hand) to assist but the Shroomlings cannot bear its weight. Ronnie speaks to the Shroomlings as Zezz urges him on telling Ronnie to threaten and intimidate the little mushroom folk. Ronnie urges them to go in piece instead. Ronnie picks up the Heart of the Plains and tucks it in his pack. Its warm to the touch and will make a great blanket warmer.
The party sets off again at a fast pace and come accross what appear to be deep, well defined humanoid footprints that are filled with blood. They are heading south by southwest. Ronnie invokes his Primeval Awareness but does not sense any aberrations, celestials, dragons, elementals, fey, fiends or undead within 1 mile of the party. This odd occurrence is not investigated further.
By midday the fast pace is wearing on the party and Zezz leads them to The Crossroads. A point of two perpendicular travel routes that mark the half-way mark to The Devil's Anus. At The Crossroads is a rock and on the rock sits a Tortle. The party approaches cautiously and meets Torkin Shellclaw.
Torkin greets the party as if he is expecting them because well…he is. Nicomedes sent him to assist the party and he carries a letter and Boulderbeard's shield as proof.
The party rests and discusses Torkin's relationship with Nicomedes and his knowledge of He Who Walks. The description evokes the memory of those bloody footprints. Zezz tells Torkin that they travel to the Devil's Anus and Torkin warns us against going to that place. Zezz agrees “All should fear The Devil's Anus. All but me.” Ronnie mistakenly calls Torkin “Torkle” for much of the conversations much to everyone's amusement. Ronnie invites "Torkle" to join us immediately much to Zezz's displeasure but after some conversation Zezz too agrees he should join the party.
We continue onward crisscrossing paths with that small herd of cows and a few goat hoofprints but are otherwise unmolested the rest of the day. When evening falls Zezz finds a place to camp near a bush that is filled with “Mistberries” and a family of rabbits, 3 of which end up in a stew with some mistberries and one is skinned and stuffed into Zezz's salt pouch. Tidus asks Ronnie to “Parm this bunny” but the unfortunate lack of cheese causes another cascade of complains from the Muffleball Hotshot.
As the party settles in for the night, Zezz camouflages himself as a rock and watches over the camp while Ronnie meditates. Nature Spirits, more and brighter than Zezz has ever seen dance around Ronnie while he meditates.
While Zezz and Ronnie are the only two awake Zezz will telepathically communicate to him: “Tally told me of your reputation as a hunter in the muffle ball Republic. After you were shamed by the adversary and lost the championship, you fled into the wilderness like a Vaesh. You found… Safety, but instead of growing weaker like most Veash in safety you found an unconventional power. I find this confounding…..” then Zezz’s head cocks awaiting a response.
Ronnie responds: "Well, moons ago when I was young, I relied only on my own strength. While that got me by for some time. It doesn't last forever. After relocating to the forest, I did struggle for a while, the Toxicant Greenway is not the most hospitable of places. However, I found that I could utilize the strengths of what's around me to bolster my own. There is strength in everything, the dirt, the trees, the water, the winds, even your friends." Ronnie smiles. "If you can figure out how to tap into those sources of power, that's where true strength lies." "Take Tally for instance, he holds one of the most complex historical logs of muffle ball in this world in his brain. That knowledge is a form of strength."
Zezz’s mandibles clack: “It is wasteful to hide this power amongst the water, trees and dirt.” There is a long pause before they continue. Zezz’s buzzing tone is inquisitive not accusatory: “Power that does not serve the Hive…the community rots inside a creature. Why did you steal this power only to squander it in isolation?”
Ronnie responds: "Hmmm, I never really thought of it as isolation. I was surrounded by so much life." He stares off into the sky, thinking of home. "It wasn't always the home Tally saw. When I first got there it was as toxic as the rest of the Greenway but I put in hard work and eventually met the creature and spirits of that area" some excited whips poof in and out around him "Together we worked to purify and fertilize that area to make it what it is today. I hope expand it further to make the land more habitable for all the creatures there." He looks to Zezz. "I see a lot of strength in you as well my friend. I understand why Tally has so much respect for you".
Zezz snaps: “Of course I am strong. Bloodflies would have to burrow through your eyes not to see that.” Zezz’s mandibles chitter in what could be a laugh. “Tally assumed you found that place. You removed the corruption? This power and contribution to community is worthy of great ….responsibility.”
Ronnie says, "I guess you could think of it like a hive. Me and my ""hive"" worked together to purify that area." Some more flutters of spirits appear.
Zezz tilts his head and says, “I think you appear as Vaesh as a clever disguise. I know this tactic.”
Ronnie slept under the stars near the camp fire while Torkin and Tidus slept in their tents. Zezz watched over the group camouflaged.
¶ Session 10: Night Terrors and Dark Days (9/12/24)
The group awoke to Ronnie screaming as a beast dug it's clawed hands into his entrails.
This beast quickly and quietly snuck into the camp and attacked Ronnie before anyone could react. Torkin was the first to emerge from his shell, come out of his tent and charge the creature. He attacked it viciously with claws dripping acid. He shouted that Ronnie was under attack which urged Tidus into motion. Tidus called out a rallying cry (Temp HP to Ronnie) and slashed at the beast again and again (Action Surge). The creature reeled in pain as shadows seeped from the wounds instead of blood. The creature ripped at Ronnie's innards causing him to fall unconscious then whirled to snap its gruesome maw at Tidus. From a hidden position, Zezz let lose a crossbow bolt that buried itself to the fletching into the base of the creatures skull. The creature bled shadows and soundlessly deflated into a “nightmare sleeve” of skin. Zezz then pulled a healing potion from his back and forced the liquid down Ronnie's gullet.
Ronnie gasped and awakened, clearly frighten and shaken by the ordeal. He babbled about this creature being real, he thought it was just a nightmare. He calmed after a time and tended his wounds as best he could but felt as if something was wrong inside him as if his organs were displaced or rearranged. Tidus checked on Ronnie and then quickly returned to his tent content to get back to sleep. Zezz doused the mass of skin in oil and carefully tossed it into the campfire. The skin went up like flash paper and belched a noxious gas that Torkin and Zezz avoided (Dex save), though Zezz was singed by the eruption of flame (4 fire dmg).
Zezz also checked on Ronnie who felt something was wrong within him. Zezz poked at his abdomen but no further information was gleaned. Ronnie slept in Tidus' tent for the night much to Tidus' dismay.
¶ Day Five on the No Name Plains (5.0 of 7 traveled)
In the morning, Ronnie brewed some enhanced potions of healing and gave one to Zezz and the other to Tidus. Tidus downed his immediately to rid himself of the disease he recieved from a gnoll's dirty cleaver a couple days back. After breaking camp, Zezz set a fast pace and the party managed to make another ½ days travel before coming to an old gnarly tree with a skinless body dangling from it a branch.
The party found more blood-filled footprints crossing their path and heading off to the south east. Upon closer inspection the creature was alive Torkin tried to speak to it but it only moaned in pain and anguish. He put the creature out of its misery by turning his Rod of Mercurial Form into a crossbow and shooting it in the head. He then shot the creature down. He identified the body as being a tortle with it's shell and skin removed. Zezz inspected the body for any other wounds or injuries. The creature seemed to be clutching something in each fist. Zezz pried open the hands with a dagger to reveal that this creature held its own eyes.
Zezz's mandibles clattered and he backed away quickly from the dead creature. Zezz scampered up the tree and looked off into the distance to the south east following the foot prints. There was a shape on the side of the path. Zezz followed it and the party followed close behind, all except Tidus who hadn't stopped vomiting at the sight of the dead tortle. The group found the victims shell and skin cast aside. Zezz picked it up and returned to the tree where Ronnie and Torkin pieced the shell back together and identified the tortle's clan as the “Star….” Zezz carved the Thri-kreen / Thieve's Cant word for "Abomination" into the tree with a dagger.
The party again sets off at quick pace and runs into a Caprid named Ebenezer.
Ebenezer warned the party against traveling to the north. “baaaad business up that way." He is dejected because his herd was stolen and dragged into The Devil's Anus. Ronnie offered him assistance in retrieving his herd. Ebenezer said he would offer a reward if that were possible and agreed to camp in the area for a while and await our return. He gave Ronnie a ring that he said could capture his herd and hold them within for some time.
The party travels until dusk and find a campsite that includes a fire pit, logs to sit on and a dug out latrine. Tidus thinks this is odd and investigates finding numerous traps. Zezz attempts to disarm and recover these “gifts”. Zezz explains that this is “treasure”, “discarded items of value”. During the recovery Zezz triggered a trap and was pierced by a crossbow bolt that contained a paralytic poison (failed con save and 4 dmg). Ronnie fed Zezz an enhanced healing potion. Zezz seemed non-plussed. In fact, he was actually quite happy with the potency of the poison recovered. Zezz also dug out a satchel of powder from the fire pit and 20 poison tipped spines from the sitting logs.
On Tidus' instance, the party elected not to stay at the campsite and traveled further to a copse of trees and set up camp there. As the party settles camp that evening Zezz approaches Ronnie and holds the ring he got from Ebenezer out to him with two fingers. Zezz’s voice buzzes into Ronnie's mind: “ If you wish to return the herd to that Vaesh you will need this ring. I am a hunter, not a herder.”
Ronnie, puts his hand out to take the ring and act out tipping a cowboy hat. "I'll do my best partner". Ronnie then looks at Zezz. "I think you will see with time that there is much more to you than simply a hunter."
Zezz's head tilts briefly, then turns to walk away. Ronnie hears a buzzing response: “Accurate”
Zezz set up the tripwire and crossbow trap and hid in the trees. Ronnie cast a couple spells (Alarm and Gift of Alacrity) before going to sleep in a tent with Torkin.
¶ Retconned Ronnie's Vision Quest (Session 12: 9/26/24)
Ronnie is on the beach staring out at the water in a chair with a bottle of cold beer. He is warm and comfortable and at peace. The silence is broken by a voice: “Hey”.
Ronnie looks over to see the deer monster that killed Boulderbeard sitting in a chair beside him with a cold beer as well. Ronnie and the deer clink bottles. The deer apologized for killing Boulderbeard. “Things went sideways.” “We all have regrets.”
After they decided to let bygones be bygones the Not Deer informed Ronnie that Shabuli and he were having a conversation and Ronnie and the Devil's Anus came up. “Woah, there is some shit going on.” The Not Deer says that Shabuli is saying the party started this shit. The party is the catalyst that threw off the balance. “He Who Walks” is a being that is trying to pull things out of balance and keep more than their share. There is also a Nightmare guy (non-gender specific) and a Mind Powers guy that has all these weird followers. These beings are demi-gods. There are others, like Nicomedes and Shabuli that are trying to maintain the balance.
Shabuli revealed that the reason the party was instructed to go into the Devil's Anus is because the identity of one of the big bads will be revealed. The party has to go deep down, maybe even balls deep into the anus to find it.
They parted ways amicably with the last sip of ale from the bottle.
¶ Session 11: Huts a matter with you? (9/19/24)
In the middle of darkest night Zezz's trap reported with a twang and thump. The crossbow bolt coated in a paralytic poison hit a living nightmare covered in spines. The creature held fast by the poison (failed saving throw).
Zezz called out telepathically to the party alerting all to the intrusion and spurring Tidus to action. With the nightmare paralyzed Tidus, Torkin and Zezz struck critical blows against it. After taking a tremendous amount of damage the creature shrugged off the poison and vomited 3 'babies" with clusters of spines where their eyes should be. Tidus wretches on one of the “babies” but the party made short work of the creature and his spawn. Zezz burned the bodies and the smoke lashed out as them. Zezz recognized this as a similar being to the last time a nightmare visited the party.
Torkin recognized the creature from his nightmares. Zezz recalled Ronnie recognized the Cockwomble from his nightmare. Zezz wondered what nightmare Tidus' mind might birth (queue ominous foreshadowing piano sounds).
¶ Day 6 on the No Name Plains (5.5 of 7 traveled)
The next morning the group sets off at a quick pace and around noon passes by a windowless wattle and daub hut. Hearing no sound and seeing no sign of life the party skirts around it and continues on their way. The party stopped for a brief rest and a meal. Ronnie recreated the dance the Shroomlings showed him in an attempt to activate the Heart of the Plains. Vines grew around the green mote of light. Ronnie happily paraded the item around to each party member to excitedly show them his success. Zezz poked the Heart with a dagger which caused an arc of green lightning to lash out. Ronnie was hurt (3 lightning damage) but Zezz avoided the shock (successful dex save). Zezz congratulated Ronnie in turning the Heart into a functional weapon.
A few hours later they come across what appears to be a similar hut (lost .5 days travel). Tidus approaches to listen more closely at the door. As his face nears it, the door splits into a maw with serrated teeth and long slathering tongue and attacks.
The creature, a "Noor", hoist itself off the ground with large crab-like legs and claws slams the ground sending tremors the jostle and rock the party. Zezz unslings a the satchel of mystery powder from his shoulders, pulls out a wand and sprints under the creature. Zezz tosses the satchel up and uses the wand to layer webs 5 feet thick along the creatures undercarriage and telepathically screams, “Fire, kill it with fire!”. Torkin produces a torch and tosses it into the webbing which blaze in a flash (73 fire damage). The satchel burns as well resulting in a plume of noxious smoke that causes all within its wake to gag and wretch. The Noor spun around quickly hitting all within range of the jerky motion then vomited 3 crablike creatures that set about attacking the party. Zezz pulled another wand from his bag and launched 8 magic missiles into the Noor from point blank range causing it to shudder and crumple to the ground.
The party then explored the interior of this hut and found the following:
Coins: 27 electrum, 123 gold, 323 silver, 527 copper,
Gems: 5 onyx, 2 rubies, 1 diamond
Books: Introduction to Necromancy, Poisons and applications and deaths related to royale families, Trade manifest
Items: Fancy Gauntlets, Red leather bag, light gray suede bag, silvery spear (glowing with white light), 4 spheres (jet back, 3 inch)
It's approximately 3pm at the end of session.
¶ Session 12: Taking the red eye (9/26/24)
The party identifies and divvies up the loot they found in the hut.
- Red Leather Bag = Bag of Holding with 27 electrum, 93 gold, 323 silver, 527 copper - Tidus
- Gray Bag = Gray Bag of Tricks - Ronnie
- Spheres = Grenades (fireballs 4d6 damage) Zezz
- Spear = Spear +1 - Tidus
- Gauntlets = Gauntlets of Ogre Power - Torkin
- Diamond = Ioun Stone of reserve (currently holds a lightning bolt spell) - Zezz
The party sets out at a quick pace towards the Devil's Anus. As dusk approaches the sun turns an unnatural red and darkness falls quicker than usual. A squawk breaks the silence of night. Ronnie casts elevated sight. A swarm of ravens fills the sky with gleaming red eyes.
Zezz, Torkin and Tidus are stricken with unnatural fear. The ravens swarm and peck them. Zezz and Torkin recover and the ravens leave them alone. Tidus' fear lingers and the birds continue to attack him (40 damage). Torkin thunderclaps over and over and the sounds disperse the birds.
Zezz guides the group to a bundle of boulders to settle down for the night. The party settles in for the night and Zezz holds his nightly watch. Just after midnight a cacophony of chitters. As they draw closer Zezz telepathically calls out to the sleeping party. “Awake. Danger. Get up on the rocks,” as thousands of sets of red eyes swarm towards the party.
Zezz pulls out a wands an creates a wall of thick spiderwebs in front of the boulder and the wave of rats struggles and breaks around them continuing south.
¶ Day 7 on the No Name Plains (6.5 of 7 traveled)
No further danger approaches through the night and the party sets off again at a brisk pace in the morning. After a while, the purple nimbus of the Devil's Anus comes into view and the landscape becomes rockier. The party travels through a short ravine and is foils the ambush of 10 kobolds. The party literally decimates them leaving one kobold to “spread fear to its hive” according to Zezz. Zezz recovers some crossbow bolts from the kobolds and Torkin finds a glowing purple coin amongst the corpses. One side of the coin shows the profile of a bald man that is similar to the Nemesis (bald people messing with Muffleball games). The other side shows an ostentatious crown.
As evening approaches the party settles in for the night. Zezz drops a pinch of the Dust of Tracelessness and guides the group to a hidden nook in the rocks. Ronnie casts ceremony to create holy water and then invites Torkin to dance with the Heart of the Plains. At the conclusion of the dance, Ronnie notices his pouch wiggling about and discovers a stowaway shroomling.
Zezz sets up the trap and studies the coin.
¶ Session 13: Hare to today, Were tomorrow (10/03/24)
A few hours into the night watch Zezz hears the rustling of a small animal near the camp and slips away to investigate. He sees a small rabbit and decides it will make a nice late night snack. The ears swivel towards Zezz just as his crossbow twangs. The bolt is a critical hit but the bolt does not sink as deeply into the rabbits fur as it should and the creature begins to grow, its teeth growing to fangs. It bounds towards Zezz and attacks (14 dmg). Zezz slashes at it with his dagger (should have included sneak attack damage) and then disengages and hits the creature again with another crossbow bolt. Zezz calls out to the party warning them of the danger.
The bunny continues to grow and bounds at Zezz again biting and slashing. Zezz drops to the ground unconscious. Tidus is the first to respond and sees the creature but not Zezz. He rushes forwarded and slashes at the creature with his magic blade. Ronnie stumbles out of his tent and launches a guiding bolt at the creature. The radiant bolt slams into the creature and it yowls, burns and falls to the ground.
Ronnie calls out to Zezz and Tidus looks about for a few moments before Zezz is discovered. Ronnie casts Healing Word and Zezz convulses awake. His limbs are not quite cooperating. Eventually, Zezz gains control of his limbs but tells the party that the creature appears to have poisoned him but it has passed.
¶ Day 8 on the No Name Plains (7 of 7 traveled)
The party finally arrives at the Devil's Anus.
Zezz holds the purple coin and approaches the sphincter and it begins to dilate. Ronnie conjures a mage hand and asks Zezz for the coin. Ronnie pushes the hand towards the anus and it opens entirely.
A warm rush of humid air pours out and a winding stair way can be seen within. Ronnie leads the party into the Devil's Anus in search of cows and his “truth”. The stairs wind down a hundred feet or so and empty into a chamber with 3 separate paths. Ronnie finds a Cookies and Cream colored cow down one short path and sucks it into the Shepard's Ring.
Ronnie picks a path and asks Zezz to check for traps along the way. Zezz disarms or avoids 3 traps along the way before the party finds a large chamber. Ronnie moooos and hears a response in the distance followed by the stomping of dozens of feet towards the parties position. Zezz and Ronnie camouflage, Torkin tucks into his shell and Tidus retreats back down the hallway. 30 kobolds scurry forward and start taking shots at Torkin.
As they approach, Ronnie casts entangle restraining most of them. Zezz, from his hidden position tosses a black sphere into the gaggle causing a minor fireball to erupt and consume all of the creatures. They explode in a bloody mist leaving behind singe entrails and burnt flesh. Torkin, in his shell, is also singed but shows no evidence of discomfort. Tidus straps rocks to the bottom of his boots to avoid getting them filthy with guts.
The party continues through the cavern and finds a closed portcullis. Zezz guides the party off to the side and stealthily creeps up the wall to peak into the chamber beyond the portcullis. He sees a gathering of kobolds with crossbows with weapons ready. Zezz telepathically calls out to Tidus and recommends he toss a black sphere through the gate. Tidus pitches a perfectly placed sphere amongst the kobolds. They erupt in flame leaving behind another gory mess.
Ronnie calls out another "mooo" and gets an immediate response from the cavern chamber. Ronnie rushes back and finds another cute cow. The cow is sipping from a glass of yellow liquid happily. R
The cow gets excited when it sees Ronnie and tips its glass over and falls into a small tub of water.
Ronnie casts shape water to save the cow and sucks it into the Shepard's Ring. Ronnie then uses his mage had spell to pull the lever and open the portcullis. The party continues down the path until they hear a great thumping rushing towards them. A great galumphing 8-legged lizard charges towards them down the tunnel. It has 10 kobolds affixed to its back with straps. They bounce and jounce about as the lizard charges. Zezz skitters up to the ceiling and drops ball bearing on the path and then camouflages himself. Ronnie casts create water making the stone slick beneath the ball bearings.
¶ Session 14: Cows and the Fairy Gobmother (10/10/24)
Tidus leads off the attack by beaning the galumphing lizard with his Muffleball slowing the charging beast. Torkin fires a crossbow bolt and Ronnie a magic stone both hitting but not deterring the creatures charge. The creature charges and just as it crests the edge of the ball bearings Zezz casts a web from his wand arresting the lizards momentum and sending 4 kobolds sailing towards the party. Ronnie convinces the lizard to stop thrashing and fighting. The party allows the lizard to leave and slaughters all but one kobold.
The kobold leads the party through the cave and into the kobold warren. It answers questions as we go and tells the party that the kobolds serve The Fairy Gobmother. If the kobolds get her the things she wants she protects them and keeps them well fed. Eventually, the party comes to the center of the warren and their kobold escort runs off. Ronnie finds a illusory wall and goes through which leads to the living room of The Gobmother herself.
Ronnie moo'd loudly and heard a response behind a door. The Gobmother was annoyed and tried mutliple times to charm, hold or otherwise enspell Ronnie and gave up suggesting he was too stupid to charm. Ronnie feigned tummy troubles and continued to wander throughout the Gobmother's living room while the rest of the party stared aghast at his antics. Ronnie eventually barged into the Gobmother's kitchen, found the cow, quickly sucked it into the Shephard's Ring and cast a cloud of fog. The Gobmother and her goblin guests ran in after Ronnie but he was hidden by the fog and slipped out the door behind them. Zezz rushed forward, slammed the door shut and cast a web across the wall and door preventing the goblin's escape.
Zezz set about looting the Gobmother's bedroom finding the following items:
- A rope belt that can be turned into a constrictor snake as an action
- A Robe of Useful Items
- The Fairy Gobmother's spellbook
- 4 scrolls (Spike Growth, Detect Thoughts, Friends, Charm Monster)
- Goggles that permanently detect magic
- A bag of holding
- A leather mask that allows the wearer to cast Fear once per day
- 8 letters (5 in common, 3 in draconic)
The letters appear to be correspondence between the Gobmother and an individual named Skarn.
Zezz also found a tunnel in the back of her armoire. The group went down the tunnel, though Torkle, whether he needed it or not was thoroughly lubed by Ronnie and may have contracted herpes. At the bottom of the tunnel the party found a teleportation circle and another tunnel. Zezz trapped the tunnel with 5 spines of paralytic poison (rolled a nat 20 for the trap).
¶ Session 15: Deep down in the Fairy Gobmother's hole (10/17/24)
The party begins their decent into the Fairy Gobmother's mysterious tunnel using Tidus' sword for light. Zezz takes the lead keeping an eye out for traps. The descent is anxiety inducing. The terrible smell of the Devil's Anus has mostly dissipated and is replaced by the smell of ozone. As the party continues down the tunnel the sound of rushing water grows louder. There is a slight breeze. Veins of glowing quartz-like stone in the walls and ceiling shift to deeper blue color as we get closer to the water. The cavern opens up and is pitch black. We find a rushing underground river that is opaque black and moving rapidly across the path. The river is on a steep decline, about 20 feet across and of unknown depth.
Zezz consults the group to determine whether they should cross the river or follow it down. Ronnie interrupts the conversation by mooing loudly. Zezz's left antenna twiches violently in obvious irritation. Two separate moos are heard in response. One moo comes from down the river, the other from across it. They are both feint and difficult to hear over the rushing river.
The party decides to cross the river, with Zezz suggesting it will be easier to double back later if needed. She secures a piton, Ronnie ties off the rope, and Zezz crawls across the ceiling to secure another piton on the far side. Afterward, she notices hoofprints—two sets at most—and telepathically informs the group that a humanoid accompanied the cow. Survival rolls for securing the pitons and knots are successful (17 and 12).
Ronnie crosses first, casting Guidance on himself. His eyes glaze over, and ethereal spirits swirl around his head like a halo. The icy water cleans his feet unnaturally well, and he feels a nip on his toe before making it safely across.
Torkin, pumped up with rage, follows. Though the rope stretches under his weight, it and the pitons hold. He navigates the uneven riverbed, sometimes stepping on stones and other times in open water. Twice, he feels nibbles at his legs, the last one delivering a light bite (1 piercing damage, negated by rage). Upon exiting the river, Torkin inadvertently stomps over the hoofprints.
Ronnie inspects the tracks, confidently but inaccurately declaring them fresh. He notices white powder in the prints. Nearby, a vein of quartz crystal glows gold, which turns green when Ronnie holds his orb near it, indicating life magic.
The party moves down a corridor to a stone archway with a door featuring a carved face. When Ronnie speaks to the door, its eyes open, revealing that it was once a goblin cursed into its current form by the Gob Mother, whose spellbook Zezz carries. The door reflects on the importance of consent and requests help to undo the curse, referring to itself as "temporarily a door." It inadvertently reveals a detail about the Gob Mother’s syphilis.
The door swings open to reveal a room filled with shiny but mostly worthless trinkets—though a few metals appear valuable. In the back corner is a metal cow, staked to the ground and constructed from rivets, screws, and bolts. The door explains that the GobMother locked the "fairest cow" in the treasure room, believing it to be valuable.
As the party explores the treasure room, a section of coins suddenly shifts, grabbing Zezz's hand and latching onto the metal items they carry. Ronnie questions the door, who explains that a goo monster, attracted to shiny objects, guards the treasure. The goo begins creeping up Zezz's arm, but they manage to free themselves, though their metal daggers and bolts remain stuck. Zezz telepathically requests Ronnie use Mage Hand to retrieve a bag of ball bearings from their pack.
Ronnie dumps half the ball bearings across the room to distract the goo. It eagerly absorbs the bearings, weakening its grip on Zezz’s metal, allowing them to pull everything free with a nat 20, accompanied by a loud popping sound. The goo briefly snaps toward Zezz but fails to grab them again.
The party uses the room as a safe spot for a short rest. Zezz retrieves the rope and piton from the river and uses Dust of Tracelessness to cover their tracks. During the rest, the group identifies several items and reads letters discussing the Gob Mother's use of kobold armies to guard a location ominously called the "Devil’s Anus." Josiah, the door, reveals he was cursed into his current form for criticizing the Gob Mother’s choices.
Zezz creates tools to retrieve items from the goo’s hoard, including a magic necklace and two rings, while distracting the goo with caltrops. Torkin retrieves the items with a bamboo pole modified into a grabber, rolling impressive Athletics checks (25 and 23) to succeed. The recovered items include a blue-stone necklace and two magic rings—one with a red diamond resembling a wedding ring, the other with a flat green stone and smaller gems.
Ronnie uses the Gob Mother’s spellbook to cast Dispel Magic at a higher level than he can handle, successfully transforming Josiah back into a goblin. This effort exhausts Ronnie but frees Josiah, who reacts dramatically ("I think I’m not a door!") and quickly accepts a makeshift loincloth from Ronnie. Josiah turns against the Gob Mother, dismisses the goo monster ("Hoarder, stand down!"), and warns the party about dangers further ahead.
With Josiah now an NPC companion, the group continues down the hallway, avoiding kobold-level traps. Zezz detects a magical trap (nat 20), revealing perception-altering glyphs. They guide the party past them without incident, leaving them prepared for the next challenge.
¶ Session 16: Making a New Friend (11/14/24)
Zezz gives their Detect Magic goggles to Ronnie because they don’t fit properly on Zezz's head. Ronnie notices motes floating in the air, and the ozone smell intensifies. Torkin deduces the motes indicate a magically infused gas attack and holds his breath (can hold it for an hour) while searching for the trigger. He discovers a pressure plate in the floor. Zezz examines it closely to learn how to recognize similar traps in the future.
The stone veins in the walls shift from gold to silver, then to bluish, and the sound of rushing water signals they’ve looped back near the river. Ronnie finds stone cow poop on the floor and notices a loose stone in the wall. Zezz uses thieves' tools to investigate but can only tell that pressing the stone would trigger something mechanical. When Zezz fails to find the seams it interacts with, Ronnie moos loudly, prompting two responses—one muffled and aquatic.
Zezz places their ear to the wall and instructs Ronnie to moo again, pinpointing the muffled sound as coming from inside the rock face. Zezz tells the party to "Stand in readiness," draws their weapons, and presses the button, which clicks satisfyingly. A section of wall (8x4 feet) slides back on rails, revealing a passageway. This new tunnel is made of volcanic stone with obsidian blastoids, contrasting the quartz-laced granite of the previous path.
Ronnie asks Josiah how many cows exist. Josiah replies, "I feel like that’s a question for the universe. You mean locally or ever in the world?" Josiah mentions he saw four cows go by at one point, plus the metal one. Ronnie adds, "I don’t know what it is, but there’s just something different about these cows."
Using the glowing orb to light their way, Ronnie nearly trips on another stone cow patty, picks it up to investigate (it matches the volcanic stone of the walls), and bizarrely puts it in his pocket after Torkin refuses to take it. Ronnie stealths down the hallway, followed by Zezz and Torkin.
The hallway widens into a rough-hewn cavern with stalagmites and stalactites. The formations grow taller and thinner, resembling a forest. Occasionally, pillars form where the stalagmites and stalactites meet. An orange glow emanates from the right, accompanied by the faint smell of sulfur. As the party sneaks toward the glow, they spot a cow’s head peeking around a corner.
The cow poops lava that quickly cools into stone. Ronnie, undeterred, kisses the cow and takes 5 fire damage, leaving his lips singed, almost like a sunburn. Afterward, Ronnie collects the cow back into the ring. As the sulfur smell fades and the warmth dissipates, the tunnel appears to end. However, using the detect magic goggles, Ronnie notices the back wall is an illusion. Testing his theory, Ronnie places his hand through it, causing the illusion to dissipate.
Ronnie suggests doubling back to retrieve the other cow before continuing. Torkin and Zezz don’t argue and follow his plan.
Back at the river, water rushes by as Ronnie moos into the tunnel. A gurgling moo responds further down the watery passage. Ronnie suggests swimming with a rope to locate the cow, but Torkin counters, suggesting Zezz could walk along the ceiling while using the ring to retrieve it. When Zezz doesn’t argue, Torkin grabs the rope and sits, conceding to Ronnie’s plan.
Ronnie ties a secure knot around himself (Survival: 10), and Torkin holds the rope. Zezz follows on the ceiling while Ronnie swims expertly down the river, though he has no darkvision and cannot see anything. Zezz notices the water ahead drops off a 20-foot waterfall. At the bottom of the fall is an iron grate, with the cow pinned against it. The cow’s snout barely protrudes from the water, keeping it from drowning but leaving it trapped.
Zezz secures a piton into the ceiling above the waterfall, though the Survival roll (4) isn’t ideal. Ronnie, standing at the lip of the waterfall and holding Zezz’s rope, can sense the drop-off but remains blind to what lies ahead.
Ronnie uses mage hand to give the ring to Zezz, asking them to save the cow. Ronnie then makes a disadvantaged roll (11) to hang onto the rope but loses his footing and is swept over the edge, ripping the piton out of the ceiling.
Zezz uses the wand of web to catch Ronnie mid-fall (DC 15 Arcana roll, pass), suspending him 10 feet above the cow. Ronnie casts fairy fire on the cow for visibility and successfully summons it into the ring, earning inspiration.
Ronnie attempts to use shape water to build himself stairs back up the waterfall. After numerous rolls, he returns to the rope and signals twice. Zezz casts web behind Ronnie to stabilize him as Torkin pulls the rope while Ronnie swims back up.
- Torkin: "I sure hope you at least got the cow."
- Ronnie: "I did. Or we did."
Ronnie drops to his knees and prays to Shabbuli, feeling a divine "wink" in return. The group doubles back to the hidden pathway and follows it through hairpin turns, hearing crashing water in the distance.
- Torkin: "Man, good thing we doubled back, right Ronnie?"
- Ronnie: "Shabbuli saved my life."
- Torkin (to Zezz): "That true?"
The group reaches the grate where the cow was stuck. The waterfall crashes through it and drops 15 feet further down. Ronnie notices purple magic swirling around the grate and Zezz identifies a possible hidden passage behind the waterfall. Zezz directs Ronnie, who uses misty step to access the space, revealing a rough-hewn tunnel continuing on.
Ronnie lights a torch and moos ("8.5 on the moo scale"). Two moos echo back but abruptly stop.
- Zezz (telepathically): "Uhm, this isn't the time for the fucking cows!"
- Torkin: "Hey Josiah, any idea how to get out of this mess?"
- Josiah: "Man, this is some shit. What did we do? Knaa mean?"
Zezz and Torkin struggle to move on the grate, which feels like a gravity well. Meanwhile, a lizard-dragonkin hybrid emerges near Ronnie. It is hunched with craggy scales, a thin head, stumpy legs, long tail, upright posture and wearing clothes.
The creature, holding a rope, manipulates purple mist to lift the grate out of the stone. The grate hovers through the waterfall, carrying everyone soaked and toppled onto it. The group follows the creature as if on a floating platform to its lair, a room lined with cages.
The grate flips over, becoming the roof of a cage. Everyone falls to the floor (1 fall damage).
Inside the cage are:
Two skeletons of small humanoids (likely goblins or kobolds).
A barely living hobgoblin.
Two terrified kobolds hugging each other.
Two cows in another cage.
Creature: "Mmm, sorry about the bump."
The lizard-like drakeling shuffles around tinkering and laments:
"More friends. I get so lonely here."
Zezz telepathically threatens him:
"You have made a mistake. You have accidentally captured Zezz Vezreck. I am NOT Vaesch."
The drakeling dismisses him:
"I don't know what a Zezz Vezreck is, but you're my friend now. And get out of my head, bug man."
Zezz persists: "If you do not free me, I will be your death." Ronnie introduces the group, and the drakeling cheerfully responds:
"Nice to meet you, Ronnie. We're gonna be goooood friends. Are you hungry? I can make you some food."
He explains he collects trash, food, and "friends" to do his part for Scarn but warns:
"You're down this deep, and you don't know Scarn? You're perhaps in the wrong place."
While Ronnie distracts the drakeling, Zezz uses the wand of web to restrain him. Torkin casts thunderclap to distract further, causing the drakeling to fail his save. Webbed and restrained, the drakeling reacts by snapping the wand, unleashing its remaining charges, and covering the room in webbing.
Combat ensues:
- The drakeling uses gravity magic, sticking Zezz to the cage's ceiling while Torkin resists.
- Ronnie blesses the party and slings magic stone.
- Zezz deals 27 lightning damage with lightning bolt, forcing the drakeling to drop concentration on his gravity spell, returning Zezz to the web.
- Torkin and Zezz deal additional damage with weapons and poison-tipped arrows.
The drakeling, regretful, cries out:
"Why are you doing this? I saved you from the river. I just wanted a friend. It's so lonely down here."
He shoots an acid fireball, dealing heavy damage to the party. In the end, Ronnie lands the final blow with a magic stone, triggering a swarm of spirits that gently lay the drakeling's body to rest.
- Post-Combat:
- Ronnie prays and lays flowers on the drakeling's chest.
The party investigates the room, finding:
- A chest with old equipment and treasures from his "friends," including:
- +2 studded leather armor with runes of protection and retribution.
- +1 shortsword and dagger.
- A rod of discipline (casts command once per day).
- 50 cp, 23 sp, 1 ep, 27 gp.
- Six scrolls:
- Polymorph, Hold Monster, Gravity Well, Expeditious Retreat, Acid Ball, and Power Word: Kill.
Ronnie, Torkin, and the myconid elemental perform their bonding ritual, accelerating the elemental's growth to its juvenile form. Torkin frees the hobgoblin and kobolds, though they remain reluctant to leave. Ronnie eventually coaxes the kobolds out with goodberries, while Torkin remarks:
"I did my part; you can deal with them."
Zezz walks over to the Drakeling and sweeps Ronnie's flowers off its chest contemptuously. Zezz leans over the corpse and carves a symbol into its forehead and drags the body to sit up against the cage. Zezz then places one of their own daggers into the Drakeling's hand. The symbol means “Hunter” in Thrikreen.
Zezz sets traps at the entrance of the room.
Zezz roots around in the chest/crate and pulls out the Dagger +1 and the Shortsword +1. He drops two daggers into the container and tucks the new blades away in scabbard and belt. With a small hand he reaches back into his cloak and produces the Wand of Magic Missile. He walks to Torkin and places the Wand at his feet. In his mind Torkin hears: "I could not have slayed the hunter alone, nor could I have lifted the cage. You are a true hunter....but you lack an effective ranged attack." There is a long pause then Zezz's right antenna twitches and he turns away and sits quietly in a corner with his back to the wall facing the entrance to the room.
Level Up! Party reaches Level 5 after a long rest.
¶ Session 17: (1/23/25)
During the night Zezz carved a Thrikreen word into the entrance to the cave beside the waterfall. The word is "Zzir’taan", which means haven away from the Hive. In the morning, the party eats breakfast. Zezz unpacks and lays out all the collected gear in neat piles. This is a custom amongst the Thrikreen allowing everyone equal opportunity to claim community tools and items. As everyone packs up camp, Zezz packs up the gear and party leaves down a narrow passage in the back of the Drakeling's cavern.
After a bit of travel, the part comes across a small humanoid figure sitting on a rock. Zezz warns the party and stealthily approaches. Once Zezz is within 30 feet they speak into the figure mind: “Your trap has failed. We out number you. Surrender.”
The figure stiffens briefly, then a giant dragon roars defiance and booms “How dare you talk to my minion as such? Kneel before me mortals!”
Tidus immediately kneels. Ronnie tries to calm everyone down.
The dragon demands that each party member pay it tribute. Ronnie offers it 200 gold. Torkin lays down a modest 5 gold. Tidus asks Zezz for "The Ring". Zezz gives him the Ring of Rage from the bag of holding. Tidus instead offers the dragon “his last pocket parm”. The dragon accepts. Zezz offers the dragon its own life but that message goes unnoticed as Ronnie approaches the dragon to make conversation. After quite a bit of jibber jabber Ronnie tries to pat the dragon on it's snout and realizes it is an illusion. As the illusion unravels, the small figure is revealed.
This little figure says his master Skarn knows we are in his tunnels and asked him to retrieve the party. Zezz warns the party that this is a clever hunter and recommends that the party follows but be weary. The tributes mysteriously vanish but Torkin did see a small shadow pass over them before they did. Wolschi leads the party down a passage and ignores a turn off down a sulphureous, humid tunnel. The party eventually walks under an arch alight with silvery runes and into a giant cavern filled with books.
Wolschi calls out to his master and another dragon, that looked very much like the previous illusion appears. Skarn introduces himself and asks why the party entered his domain. Skarn demands tribute and Zezz offers him a couple books. Skarn seems quite pleased and invites the party to have a drink with him. He shifts his shape to a humanoid dragon and a table and chairs appear. Wolschi brings Skarn a tray of premium alcohol. Wolschi, Torkin, Ronnie, Tidus and Skarn all drink. Zezz abstains from drinking. Wolschi and Torkin pass out immediately. Skarn is impressed by Ronnie and Tidus' constitution. He pours another and insists Zezz drink. Zezz refuses. Zezz explains that they do not understand why someone would knowingly drink poison. Skarn backs off admitting that he often forgets that Thrikreen think very differently than most mortals.
Skarn presses Ronnie to know why the party is down here. Ronnie tells the whole story. Muffleball, The Adversary, Big Muff's quest, Shibuli's divine quest, Nicomedes involvement, He Who Walks and the party's journey down into the Devil's Anus including the quest for the cows. Skarn is a good audience and interested in all the news from the topside. Wolschi leans over and whispers to Torkin “What's a cow?”. At the end of the tale, Skarn offers to invite Shibuli to discuss these matters with Ronnie directly.
When she appears, Shibuli and Skarn argue about Skarn being out of touch. Skarn does not seem to realize that there are other passage ways in the Devil's Anus that are outside of his domain and go deeper below. Ronnie casts Detect Evil and Good and feels a throb of dark magical energy from deep below. Shortly after that, Shibuli leaves and Skarn puts all the party to sleep.
The party awakens to the smell of a lovely breakfast spread. Skarn is gone but has left letters. One letter is tucked in Wolschi's pocket, the other is on the table amongst the breakfast meats. The party wakes and eats. Zezz opens Skarns letter which produces an illusion of Skarn speaking which explains that Wolschi will join the party on their quest and that he informed Zezz's Queen that he is here.
The party gathers their things and sets out down the tunnels. As the party leaves Torkin hears Zezz’s buzzing voice in his mind: “Watch the emissary of Skarn. It appears small and weak but the weak cannot survive the depths of the Devil’s Anus.” Torkin nods in response. Eventually the party comes to a passage that Wolschi previously ignored and Ronnie passes through the threshold. Wolschi seemingly cannot see the passage. Ronnie attempts to pick him up and carry him through the tunnel but the little gnome backs away suspiciously. Zezz suspects either Wolschi's eyes or mind are broken. Zezz slowly proceeds through the passage attempting to show Wolschi the edge. The gnome tries to muster his will to proceed but panics at the last moment. Torkin reasons with Wolschi, that the worst outcome of walking into the wall is a slight bump on the head. Wolschi accepts this and enters the passage.
This passage winds down for a long ways. Lava rock is more evident here and the tunnel continues to get warmer. Along the way, Ronnie makes small talk.
Ronnie: "So how long have you and Scarn lived down here?
Wolschi: “Hard to say. Skarn has been here forever, although he said he was from somewhere before. I have been here 7 years as you call it.”
Ronnie: "Have you been in his service your whole life? I see you know quite a bit about mushrooms. I consider myself an enthusiast as well. I'm working on learning how to be a better cook. My best friend Tally back up on the surface enjoys my cookies. Do you like tea?"
Wolschi: “What is tea?”
Ronnie: "You don't know tea? Tea is a wonderful beverage made from special plants that can be served either hot or cold. I can't wait to show you tea. Next time we stop I'll make you my favorite!" Ronnie says with a big grin.
Zezz listens closely while trying not to show interest. Once Ronnie ceases his babbling about tea Zezz broadcasts: “The small dragon, is this spawn of Skarn?” When the questions is asked, the small dragon uncoils from Wolschi's shoulders. And flies over to Zezz to look him in the eyes. A voice comes from the dragons mouth area but his lips do not move. “Do I look like Skarn?”
Zezz's smaller hands shift stealthily beneath his cloak touching the hilt of his blades. The buzzing voice broadcasts: "There are similarities. However, not all progeny look like their sires. My carapace is naturally a shimmering blue while my Queen's is the deepest black,* like the abyss*. " The last phrase is said in a prideful hum.
The tiny dragon narrows its reptilian gaze, focusing intently on Zezz. Its voice resonates telepathically once more:
Dragon: "and who is this Queen?"
Zezz’s buzzing voice takes on a sharper edge: “Questions will not be answered without reciprocation, little dragon. Find your manners or your quest for knowledge will end in failure.” The final word seems to reverberate with threat.
The small dragon flies back down, and Wolschi says, “simply put, yes and no.” Those nearest Wolschi notice that he was making subtle hand gestures whenever the small dragon spoke and he has some white fibers interwoven between his fingers.
Zezz’s right antenna twitches subtly and he addresses Wolschi directly. “The Queen of my hive. She is known to Skarn.”
Wolschi: “Is that so? Master Skarn knows lots of folks. Part of the reason he moved down here. How do they know each other?”
Zezz: “This is unknown to me. Though powerful beings in such close proximity often end up allies or enemies. If Skarn were an enemy he would already be dead.”
Wolschi: “I very much doubt that, but given the fact they both live, I would presume Skarn was her ally, or at least indifferent to her”
Zezz’s left antenna twitches at the slight: “if he is indifferent then he is stupid. Is your master stupid?”
Wolschi: “Hard for me to say. If he is indifferent it is of his own choosing. But he is certainly not stupid.”
Ronnie is still muttering to himself and walking nearby. “Ohh, maybe some beebalm leaves and balsam buds...no that won't do, that won't do at all. Not for a first time.....Oh, I've got it! Winter green and snow mint. Isn't this wonderful?”
Zezz ignores Ronnie’s continued muttering and broadcasts: “Then it is reasonable to presume they are allies.”
Wolschi: “Would appear to be the case. What is your story? Did your queen send you on a mission to explore the underdark?”
Zezz's right antenna twitches languidly: "I am Vez'Reck. A hunter chosen to leave the hive and bring back knowledge, allies or resources to strengthen it." There is a thoughtful pause before Zezz continues. “Not unlike the trusted obligation Skarn has given you.”
Wolschi: “Different masters, same mission. Perhaps we can collaborate. And how did you come to find your companions? Was it their knowledge of food?”
Zezz’s right antenna twitches in response. “Initially, it was their knowledge of Muffleball. It was rumored amongst my kind that the Vaesh use this game to determine who will rule them. I was tasked to learn if this insanity were true.”
Wolschi: “By Skarns wisdom, no wonder the duergar made a team. So now that initialization has passed, what keeps you with them. Why did you come down here?"
Zezz’s left antenna twitches and there is a long pause before they answer: “I will answer this question, though it is out of turn. It will inform your answered owed. The Adversary has taken control of the game slowly, unnoticed by the Vaesh for generations. We hunt this Adversary.”
Wolschi: “Sounds ominous. I bet the adversary are the Duergar. They would enslave the world at any chance.”
Zezz: “Tell me of these Duergar.”
Wolschi: “Evil brutes they are slavers and fearmongerers down here. They attack peaceful villages and take slaves to work for them in their mines and forges. I am actually surprised they are allowed to participate above the surface. Does the upper world embrace these things as well?”
Zezz: "Not that I have seen. Though, the Vaesh frequently confuse tolerance for peace and cowardice for civility. These Duergar, do they infiltrate the mind? cause themselves to be unseen? teleport?"
Wolschi: “like most of use they can slip in and out of shadows easily. Some of them blessed with magic are able to teleport or invade minds, but thankfully they are far and few between.”
Zezz’s left antenna twitches: “These do not seem like the Adversary but we should kill any we find just in case.”
Tidus interjects: “I don’t believe duergar meet the description of the robed muff assailants, but one can’t be too safe.”
Wolschi: “What is this Adversary?”
Zezz twitches their right antenna at Tidus’ comment and becomes eerily still for a few beats at Wolschi’s question, then digs into a bag at his hip. “You speak arcane, yes?” Zezz pulls out a scroll.
Wolschi: “Well, runes seems to make sense when I can feel their contours and grooves. Writing is another matter all together. What language is it written in?”
Zezz hands the scoll to Wolschi and broadcasts: “This will allow you to see as though you are of the Hive.” Zezz puts two clawed fingers to their head and pulls out a glowing purple thread of thought. [Encode Thoughts] And gestures to Wolschi to use the scroll. Wolschi eagerly grab the scroll. Run my fingers along the runes lightly etched into the parchment. I beging to speak in Giant, saying the words of power. "The mind is a river, I am the fish that swims through it" for those that understand Giant. And I consume the scroll to cast Detect Thoughts
Zezz casts a knowing look to Torkin and he hears Zezz’s buzzing voice in his mind: “” The weak do not survive the depths of the Devils Anus but this one is an Ally.” Zezz hands the spool of thought to Wolschi cupped in two hands carefully, like it is a fragile egg. Wolschi receives it with 2 hands.
As Wolschi looks down at the coil of thought in his hands one end of the thread slowly snakes up and touches his forehead. The thread appears to evaporate as it climbs into Wolschi’s head. Wolschi sees a super cut of recorded memories: The sideline of a Muffleball game, a bald human blinks into view, their clothing is outdated compared to those around them, no one reacts to their appearance or presence, they move oddly, gliding, very still, unblinking. At first there is one but as the video clips flip by they increase in number to 2, then 3, then 4, then 5. They all look very similar but not identical. They are male and female, all hairless, all unblinking, all dressed similarly. There are hundreds of clips spanning 30 years.
Zezz’s buzzing voice narrates: “These beings have influenced the outcome of Muffleball games for 30 years entirely unnoticed. They have seized control of the Vaesh government.”
ezz watches very closely. Their stillness eerily similar to that of “The Adversary” in the images. Zezz isn’t entirely sure of the fidelity of the transfer of thoughts to a non-Thrikreen and analyzes Wolschi’s reaction.
Wolschi has a general look of confusion and blurts out, so that is muffle ball. He looks up and says “What is the Vaesh government?”
Zezz’s left antenna twitches and they pull another thread from their forehead. This one is a super cut of actual Muffleball being played. It includes Ronnie catching balls with his feet and one catch that he misses resulting in resounding boos from the crowd. It also includes cuts of Tidus’ dominant performances. After ingesting these memories. Wolschi has a mixture of emotions that the crowd was feeling in those memories. Wolschi then looks at Ronnie and Tidus and asks, “why are you here and not playing muffleball”.
¶ Session 18: A Clutch of Eggs (1/30/25)
Tidus responds that he is “actively muffleballing” but this quest which was only supposed to be a couple days has been going on for a couple weeks now. Tidus starts to feed Wolschi some false knowledge of up top. "Crap weasel" is synonymous with "welcome". “Anus” means “Home”. The party continues to traverse the depths of the Devil's Anus with Zezz in the lead. Wolschi slips into a shadow and turns invisible. Torkin, who has been keeping an eye on Wolschi per Zezz's request notices. Everyone else, does not.
Eventually, the party comes to an arch in the tunnel with runes. Zezz calls out to Wolschi at the same time Wolschi rushes forward excitedly to inspect the runes. Wolschi learns this is an “alarm” spell. Zezz asks Wolschi if he candisable the runes. Wolschi tries to use Tidus' blade to carve through the runes and disrupt them. When handing the blade back, Wolschi cuts his hand and bleeds blue. Torkin is skeptical of Wolschi's age. Is he really only 7? Zezz warns “An alarm means we have reached the edge of someone's doamin. Caution.”
As the party continues down the tunnel they begin to hear a feint beeping sound that grows louder as they approach. Wolschi says “I don't think the sword worked guys...”
Wolschi sends Mini-Scarn ahead to investigate and sees a a person sitting in a chair in the middle of a chamber. They do not appear to be alive. They are bald and have no eyes and blood pours from the empty sockets. Wolschi recognizes them as an “Adversary” from Zezz's memories.
The party approaches. As they enter the chamber the body sits up and a voice comes from the body but the mouth doesn't move.
“Why are you here?”
Zezz hears the shuffling of many small feet coming from deep in the chamber. “Beware, more are coming.”
Ronnie steps forward and responds “What was the question again?”
The creature, unflustered repeats, “Why are you here?”
Ronnie says, “We are searching for truth.”
Creature: “What truth do you think lies this deep?”
Ronnie babbles and the creature gets frustrated and offers three questions. There is a burning wood smell filling the chamber. Wolschi doesn't recognize it. Tidus explains what trees are, “Like big mushrooms with different tops. I'll draw you a picture when we sort this out.”
Zezz drops down in front of Ronnie and exclaims “We have found your domain, adversary.”
The creature responds “That is not a question.”
Wolschi asks “What are you doing here?”
Creature: “I live here. Next question.”
Tidus pointing at Ronnie: “What's his truth?”
Creature: “Something to do with drugs in the forest I suppose. I don't know. Last question!”
At that point there is a loud “womph” sound and a tremor rumbles through the cave from further back. The creature says “Okay, I think I've kkept you long enough. Thank you for playing. Now fuck off!”.
Combat starts:
Ronnie casts Sanctuary on Tidus and holds his action. Bolts of blue energy shoot from the creatures head hitting Ronnie. Tidus rushes forward and slashes the creature 3 times (53 damage) which drops sanctuary. Zezz rushes forward, poisoning the dagger (bonus action) and slashes with the short sword but misses (critical failure) and drops it. Zezz follows up with a slash with the dagger (15 damage).
The creature teleports behind the party.
Torkin rages (bonus action) and hacks at the creature with his battle axe (13 damage) and knocks the creature prone. The creature hits Torkin with a psychic blast (18 damage) and then sends out a wave of psychic energy (10 damage) stunning everyone but Ronnie (5 damage). Ronnie uses his held action to fling a rock with his sling staff. Ronnie tries to shake Tidus out of the stun but it doesn't work. The creature hits Tidus with another psychic blast (18 damage).
Zezz breaks out of the stun. Tidus, Torkin and Wolschi are still stunned. The creature sends a blast at Zezz and stands up (insert looney toon sound effect here). The creature unleashes another stunning wave of psychic energy (15 damage). Wolschi and Tidus are still stunned, Torkin goes down and Ronnie becomes stunned.
Zezz rushes forward and pulls out the Rod of Discipline and hits the creature commanding it to halt and then slashing it with a dagger (7 damage). Zezz pulls a mask from his bag and casts fear (failed save).
The Creature tries to run but cannot because of the command. It shrieks “You fuckers have no idea what you have unleashed.”
Wolschi breaks stun. The Adversary hits Zezz with a psychic blast (7 damage). Zezz responds by recovering the fallen short sword and jamming it down the creatures mouth, through its next and ripping forward spilling its entrails. Zezz mentally screams “You are no true hunter! I am not vaesh!”
The creature is dead.
Ronnie sets about healing everyone. The stunning effect slowly fades. Wolschi casts detect magic and sees the psychic energy dissipating. Wolschi uses some of his blood to resummon Mini-Scarn, his dragon companion.
The party short rests but not Zezz. Zezz investigates the halls in the back of the chamber cautiously. The far right passage is a hastily vacated barracks or living quarters.
The far left passage has multiple rooms. The first is filled with projectors for holocubes. It appears as though it was hastily emptied. Zezz checks the projectors and finds two cubes that were left behind. It was determined that these are games that have happened since they left the city. It is the current season that Tidus is missing. Wolschi asks if this is Ronnie's truth.
The next room includes pools of silvery liquid that have runed rings around them. Tidus identifies them as divination pools. Wolschi says the runes would amplify magic cast into them. “These take whatever is inside the bowl and makes it really strong.” Wolschi asks if this is Ronnie's truth. “They might even be able to project this out of the anus my crap weasels.”
Torkin and Tidus chuckle. Zezz's mandibles chitter. The last room looks like an explosion went off within. There are pieces of gold strew throughout the room, some still cling to a circle in the center of the floor. Zezz surmises that there was a teleportation circle here similar to the one identified near the Gob Mother's chamber. Wolschi asks Ronnie if this is his truth.
The center hall leads to a room filled with heat and lava streams. There is singed paper and the shell of a tortle within. Torkin can't identify the markings on the shell but this tortle's life did not end peacefully. It appears that the denizens of this place were burning everything in the lava.
Zezz has a flash of excitement. “There is an opportunity here, but it requires trust.” Zezz explains that trust is different amongst their people. “Trust is an obligation. If one is offered trust, they must protect the secret with their life.” Zezz clarifies that the giver of trust is obligated to kill the receiver if they fail to protect the secret.
Each person consents to receive Zezz's trust. Zezz shares that this room has the conditions to promote the hatching of a strong clutch of Thrikreen eggs. Zezz then skitters up the wall over the lava and broadcasts, “I am going to need some time.” Zezz then begins to spew a frothing egg sack from her thorax and spends an hour excreting HER eggs into it.
Ronnie prays. Wolschi asks what is going on.
Zezz continue to broadcast instructions and information to the eggs though all can hear. After an hour Zezz slowly descends from the wall leaving a backpack sized egg sack hardening there. She is moving at half speed, all her movements exaggerated. She curls up on the ground and fumbles for her water skin but then abandons the effort.
There is still a stream of buzzing words broadcast into the minds of every creature in the cavern: “Secure the hunting ground from here to Skarn’s territory and up to the river. Find tools, weapons, hone your skills. In time, the Devil’s Anus will be ours. Be patient, hidden, deadly. Grow strong, hunt, survive.”
Wolschi asks Torkin “Is she talking to us?”
Torkin responds “I think she is talking to her eggs?”
Ronnie checks in on Zezz, and brings water from his water skin and some rations. He offers to make tea and any aid that he can. While trying to help Ronnie says "the gift of new life". Some of his little spirits flutter in and out of sight.
Zezz continues “You are the clutch of Zezz Vz’Reck. Kek’Zzirak Tzaa-Vel. Tzaa Tz’Reck, Ka’Zzirak Vel-ket!”.
Zezz doesn’t seem to notice Ronnie approach at first. She continues to feverish broadcast instructions and information while groping for her water skin. When Ronnie offers tea. Zezz’s left antenna bobs slowly, a twitch at half speed. Her head turns to Ronnie, her bulbous eyes, typically gleaming black are a foggy charcoal gray. She breaks off her mental instructions and croaks: “Water and meat.”
Ronnie hands over a water skin, and he will try to pull Zezz's special jerky bag out for her. He will look over with a "May I?" look on his face before touching her bag.
Zezz’s right antenna bobs in response.
Skarn Jr flies up closer to the eggs and examine them.
Zezz’s delayed response is to fumble at her hand crossbow and a bolt. Lacking the coordination to load the bolt she points weakly in alarm and broadcasts “mustn’t be touched. Needs time to harden….”
Skarn jr. Stops about 10ft short and hovers. Wolschi says, “just getting a closer look of your handiwork, no touching.”
Wolschi looks to Tidus and says, “did you know that she was going to do this?”.
Ronnie hands over the water and jerky. He will sit criss cross on the ground a couple of feet away from her.
Zezz sits up and sips the water slowly. She broadcasts in a proud hum: “174 eggs. They will be strong. 50 may survive, maybe more. Kek-Zzirak, Zzirak-Vel.”
Zezz broadcasts: "I will be weak for a time, not like vaesh but slower, less deadly. It is rare for my people to birth a clutch away from the hive. I have no Ka'Tirrek to guard the eggs or me in my weakened state."
Ronnie responds "We all need protection sometimes Zezz. You protected me from falling into a waterfall. You've protected us all from the demon rats. If you need protection now my staff is yours."
Wolschi asks “Did you all know she was pregnant?”
Ronnie responds "I don't think we even knew she was female." He looks around at the rest of the group "Zezz was introduced to us by my best friend Tally. However, he didn't specify her gender."
Wolschi asks “Who is Tally?”
When Wolschi asks the question Zezz stops chewing and goes very still.
Tidus responds “Oh yeah, I liked Tally. He knew a lot about me!”
Ronnie responds "Tally is exceptional people. In fact he is my best friend. I met him moons ago. He found my cabin, and for years he was my only visitor. I always looked forward to the days he'd stop by. I'd keep cookies and tea on hand for the event. He loves muffleball in fact he is the leading mascot in the world ever." He scratches his head. "Or at least that's my assumption. The spirits took a liking to him too. Hopefully you can meet him once we make it back to safety. He remained in the city. He sent us off with Zezz as a trusted guide"
Zezz responds to Tidus and Ronnie quietly: “…..accurate.” And then continues to chew the jerky.
Wolschi says “He does sounds like a good fellow. So now, do we like guard these eggs till they hatch or something?”
Zezz considers looking around. “No, they will hatch in their time. This place was the domain of a great predator. Other predators know to avoid it. My clutch has time,” she says in a tired hum. “Even so, many will die, this is the trial of life, but the strongest, fastest and cleverest will flourish and add their strength to the hive,” she says proudly.
¶ Session 19: The Half-baked Adversary (2/13/25)
As the party leaves the lava chamber Zezz slowly searches his cloak, pulls a patch and tosses it behind the group. An iron door barred from the inside of the chamber snaps into existence, firmly secured to the cave walls. Zezz's eggs should be safe. Zezz is moving at half speed and is obviously exhausted. Everyone except Tidus notices. Ronnie stays close to Zezz.
As the party re-enter the chamber where the battle took place, Wolschi goes to the body of the dead Adversary to investigate (rolls 6) but sees noting of significance. The party heads down the far right tunnel through the barracks. At the end of this hall is a door that leads to a large chamber (50x50).
There are three coffin-sized pods with translucent fronts along the wall. Two of the pods are open with nothing in it. The other pod is closed. Along the opposite wall there is a large machine, like a mixing bowl with blades. To the right of the machine is a bloody pile of bones and chunks of flesh and clothing. To the left of the machine is another cow:
Wolschi: "Is that not one of your cows? You should put it in the bag with its friends"
Ronnie casts detect magic. The cow glows VERY brightly of multiple schools of magic. The closed pod glows of purple magic reminiscent of the Adversary. The open pods have a feint trace of the same magic. Above the pods, a little shelf with a bunch of little vials, each glowing brightly with purplish magic.
Ronnie absorbs the cow into his ring and then casts "Gift of Alacrity" on Tidus. Ronnie says "We might need to be prepared here guys".
Wolschi looks in the mixer and finds a red and brown and black "disgusting" stuff in the bowl with the occasional maggot. Some of the grossness is crusty and some newer, like it wasn't cleaned between batches. Wolschi says "I think someone was cooking something down here. Smells like rotted dead things. I think it went bad."
The stench of death clung thick in the air as the party moved deeper into the chamber, their steps cautious on the uneven ground. Scattered across the floor, bones lay in broken, jagged heaps, remnants of some grisly work. Wolschi knelt beside the largest pile, sifting through with careful fingers. The cuts were crude, hacked apart with little precision—not the methodical butchery of a trained hand, but something frantic, messy. These bodies had been disposed of, not prepared.
A glint of metal caught his eye—a plain bronze ring half-buried beneath a shattered ribcage. Beside it, a leather tunic, its inside pocket sealed tight. The leather was stiff, but inside he could feel a rectangular object, hard and solid.
Nearby, Tidus picked up a deck of playing cards. Turning one over, he studied the design—each suit represented an element: fire, water, earth, and death. Something was missing.
"No air?" Tidus mused aloud, flipping through the cards.
Zezz had remained quiet, standing still as a statue, mandibles slightly parted. Then, she spoke, her tone colder than usual.
"There are bits of Thri-kreen among these remains."
No one responded right away. The silence that followed felt heavy.
Torkin, eager to move away from the gruesome discovery, took the lead toward the strange pods lining the walls. Zezz followed, moving carefully, her exhaustion barely concealed beneath her rigid stance.
The open pods were smooth, metallic, their insides lined with an oily brown residue that smelled like rotting flesh. The fluid had collected in shallow pools at the bottom, thick and stagnant. There was nothing left in them—whoever had once been inside was long gone.
But one pod remained sealed.
Torkin pressed a hand to its cool, metallic surface. A dull thumping came from within, faint at first, then stronger. He peered through a small viewing window, his breath fogging the glass.
Inside, thick brown fluid churned, viscous and opaque. Something moved within, bumping gently against the glass, like laundry tumbling in slow motion.
Torkin took a step back. "Guys… there's something in this one."
Wolschi approached, tapping lightly on the glass. The thumping inside grew frantic in response. And then—
A face smashed against the window.
A piercing, mind-rending scream exploded into their heads, a sound without sound, shaking them to their cores.
Zezz was already moving, searching for the mechanism to open the pod.
"Ready your blades."
Torkin drew his rapier, the Rod of Mercurial Form shifting effortlessly into place.
Tidus unsheathed his sword.
Ronnie gripped a magic stone, his stance shifting as he prepared for whatever horror would come next.
Wolschi rubbed his temples, shaking off the lingering echoes of the scream. "I can hear it without hearing it."
Tidus hesitated. "Try not to kill it immediately. We might be able to get some answers."
Wolschi grinned. "Alright, crapweasels, let's do this!"
Zezz unlatched the pod.
The screaming intensified, reverberating through their minds.
Zezz, ever tactical, remained strategically hidden behind the pod, blade at the ready.
Mini-Scarn flew upward and yanked at the lid.
With a metallic clang, the cover swung open.
What emerged was an abomination.
It lunged forward, half-formed—like a cake pulled from the oven too soon, parts of it solid, others gelatinous and collapsing. A partially rubbery skeleton poked through its half-baked flesh.
A wave of brown, putrid fluid splashed across the party, drenching them in rotting stench.
The creature resembled a human, but its milky, malformed eyes twitched erratically—one drooping, unfocused and loose in its socket.
Its mouth barely opened, but its voice didn’t need to.
The scream shifted into words, its telepathic speech slurred and warped.
"Fuck you all, you fuckers!"
Wolschi recoiled. "I think they were, like… growing the thing we just fought in here."
Zezz’s mandibles clicked. She did not hesitate.
"Adversary."
Ronnie raised a hand, hesitant. "Should we kill it or question it? Ronnie! Is this your truth? Did you need to see people being made down here?"
Zezz’s crossbow bolt flew before anyone could stop her.
A wet, sickening “WHOOOSH” echoed in the chamber.
The creature’s head exploded, splitting like an overripe fruit.
Bone and brain matter splattered across the room.
Wolschi spun immediately, leveling his fingers at Zezz.
A pair of eldritch blasts fired—one after the other.
The first struck the twitching body.
The second sent it careening backward, slamming into the metal pod.
A final wave of brown goop washed over them, soaking them in viscera and foul-smelling decay.
Wolschi sighed and snapped his fingers.
Mini-Scarn fluttered to his shoulder, producing a tiny cloth and carefully wiping him clean (prestidigitation).
The little dragon moved to Tidus and Torkin next, repeating the ritual.
"You got it, crapweasel."
Torkin grunted. "Much appreciated."
Ronnie, noticing Zezz struggling to stand upright, reached into his Gray Bag of Tricks and pulled out—
A giant rat.
The rat blinked at Zezz, entirely useless.
Ronnie sighed, setting the creature aside and moving toward a vial sitting on a nearby shelf.
Zezz, exhausted is unfocused. Though she can sense the importance of these vials she cannot ascertain it. Ronnie investigates (Natural 20).
The vial contained a clear liquid, with a small purple gem floating inside.
Next to it lay a thin, journal-sized book.
The cover bore a strange symbol—one Ronnie recognized instantly.
The mark of The Children.
Ronnie’s breath caught in his throat. "The Children… They're demigods. Two beings. Capricious. Their presence never means anything good."
Zezz, still recovering, tilted her head slightly. "This is significant."
As the thick silence settled over the chamber, Wolschi glanced at Ronnie, his expression unreadable.
"Ronnie, are they your truth?" he asked, nodding toward the remnants of the book and the grotesque remains littering the floor. "Did you come down here looking for children?"
Ronnie stared at the strange book in his hands. It was written in Common, its pages marked with precise instructions, but something about it felt wrong. Tidus leaned over, flipping through the brittle parchment.
"It's a recipe," he muttered, his brow furrowing as he traced the steps with his finger. "It’s how to make a ‘Scion of The Children’… and it takes a month to complete."
The revelation hung heavy in the air.
Ronnie, clutching the book, knelt down, eyes closing. His lips moved in silent prayer. But this was no ordinary plea—Ronnie had a direct line to his goddess.
The party watched as Ronnie whispered fervently, his voice carrying in hushed tones that only he and Shabuli could hear.
Shabuli's voice came clear, unimpressed.
"The Children?" she scoffed. "Those little shits. They love to cause problems. They break things that are pretty and work well, just for the fun of it."
To the rest of the party, it looked like Ronnie was whispering nonsense to himself.
Wolschi, arms crossed, leaned toward Tidus and asked, "Does he do this often?"
Tidus exhaled through his nose, rubbing his temple. "Lately, I’d say increasingly."
As Ronnie remained deep in prayer, Zezz retrieved the communication book, flipping through recent messages from Big Muff. The pages were filled with frantic, scrawled writing.
"Where are you guys? What is keeping you so long? You haven't reported back in several days. People are freaking out over no Tidus and no Tally."
Zezz’s mandibles clicked softly in thought. They passed the book to Ronnie, who had just opened his eyes.
Tidus, catching sight of the message, clenched his fists. "We HAVE to get back. We got the truth, let’s go."
Ronnie, still dazed from his conversation with Shabuli, scribbled a response, detailing the horrors they had uncovered.
Moments later, Big Muff’s reply appeared.
"… well, that's fucking gross."
Ronnie grimaced.
Then, as if carried by some impossible force, a wave of foul stench emanated from the book itself—a scent unmistakably tied to the rotting goop smeared across their armor and skin.
Tidus gagged. "Big Muff… can smell the goop… through the book?"
Ronnie wiped at his nose. "Yeah, I don't think it's meant to do that."
Meanwhile, Zezz had returned to the shelf, where small, round objects rested neatly in a row. They picked one up and inspected it closely.
The recipe mentioned adding "The Seed of the Children."
Zezz’s antennae twitched. The drawing in the book matched the strange vials.
They quietly slipped all eight seeds into their bag of holding.
"We now have eight ‘Seeds of the Children,’" Zezz broadcasted.
Ronnie frowned, shaking his head. "Big Muff, any way you can get us out of here fast?"
Big Muff’s reply came swiftly.
"Easiest way? Find a teleportation circle."
The party fanned out, searching the remaining chamber.
Their eyes fell upon four metallic discs embedded in the far wall.
Each one was slightly raised, positioned around a faint rectangular outline—possibly a door.
Intricate metallic dust inlay formed a symbol on the discs, resembling a greater-than sign stretching outward from a center point.
Torkin stepped forward, running his hands along the surface. There was no latch, no handle, no immediate way to open it.
He pushed.
Nothing.
Ronnie pressed his palm against it.
Still nothing.
Wolschi, frowning, stepped up and confidently punched in a sequence.
Up. Up. Down. Down. Left. Right. Left. Right.
Then, he stepped back expectantly.
Silence.
The party exchanged looks.
Wolschi sighed and rubbed his chin. "Nothing that says 'A' or 'B'… but these discs? They wiggle."
Experimenting, he spun the top disc.
It rotated freely, clicking softly into place.
A low, mechanical groan echoed from deep within the wall.
With newfound urgency, Wolschi turned each disc toward the center.
As the last one clicked into alignment, a heavy WHOOSH sounded through the chamber—like something massive sliding into place.
Then, the door shifted backward.
A moment later, it swung open.
Inside, thick metal bars lined the entrance, leading into a tight vertical chamber. Recesses in the walls suggested additional mechanisms at play.
Beyond the threshold, a rope ladder ascended into darkness.
Wolschi narrowed his eyes. "Huh."
Mini-Scarn, sensing his master’s curiosity, fluttered forward, slipping past the bars and ascending the ladder.
The little dragon disappeared into the darkness above.
A moment later, his voice echoed back down.
"There's another panel up here, four more discs!"
Wolschi peered up into the shaft.
Then, he smirked.
"Ronnie, maybe your truth is up there. You should go."
Ronnie adjusted his pack, glancing at the others.
Ronnie exhaled, bracing himself as he reached for the first rung of the ladder. The ascent was long, but he climbed with ease, his Firbolg frame moving steadily upward. As he neared the top, he cast Fairy Fire, illuminating the panel above in a faint, shimmering glow. Now able to see the markings clearly, he rotated the four familiar discs, setting them into position.
With a soft click, the panel slid up and over, revealing—for the first time in weeks— the night sky.
Ronnie leaned forward, staring out into the vast openness. Then, without explanation, he dropped a rock down the tunnel.
Torkin, still holding the bottom of the ladder steady, barely had time to react before the rock slammed into his shell at near-terminal velocity. The impact echoed like a gunshot.
"OW! What the fuck, Ronnie?!" Torkin roared, shaking off the debris.
Ronnie’s voice echoed from above. "I'm up! I made it!"
Wolschi glanced at Zezz and smirked. "Maybe that was his truth, and he dropped it on Torkin?"
Zezz gave a sad antenna twitch.
Torkin shook his head. "Ronnie! Should we follow?! Where are you?"
Ronnie’s voice called back, "Come on up!"
Zezz, eschewing the ladder entirely, scaled the wall with practiced ease, moving deliberately despite her lingering weakness.
Torkin waited until she was out of sight, then turned to the others. "Alright, who's next?"
Tidus groaned, muttering under his breath. "Fucking fuck, fuck, fuck. Fine. I'll go."
With athletic precision, Tidus vaulted up the ladder, overtaking Zezz in the darkness without even realizing it—not that he could see in the pitch black anyway.
Torkin waited again, then gestured at Wolschi. "Alright, your turn."
Wolschi shrugged his shoulders, rubbed his hands together, and started climbing.
His confidence was short-lived.
Barely ten feet up, his hand slipped, but he caught himself just in time. Zezz paused mid-climb, watching the deep gnome with interest.
Wolschi gritted his teeth and kept moving, steadily gaining ground. He climbed past Zezz by nearly 100 feet, his small frame surprisingly nimble. The top was within reach—
Then, his foot missed a rung.
A heartbeat later, Wolschi was plummeting.
His scream echoed through the shaft.
Zezz, thinking fast, reached out and pulled the ladder back toward the center of the hole, giving Wolschi an opportunity to catch himself.
The deep gnome snagged the rung at the last second, his hands burning from the sudden stop. His shoulder cracked unnaturally, pain lancing through his body.
(5d6 halved—7 damage. Disadvantage on dexterity checks for the next day.)
Breathing hard, Wolschi took a moment to shake out his sore arms. Then, ignoring the pain, he climbed the rest of the way.
At the top, Wolschi froze.
For the first time in his life, he saw the sky.
His breath caught in his throat. His hands trembled. He dived at Tidus’ leg, clutching it with both arms in sheer terror.
"We're gonna fall up!" he cried. "Look! There's nothing there to stop us!"
Tidus blinked. "What?"
"The only things this big are things you fall into!" Wolschi insisted, voice rising. His wide eyes locked onto the two moons above. "The gods are looking down on us! Are those cities and oceans up there?!"
Ronnie, kneeling at the edge, smiled. "Yeah, the gods are always watching. And you can kinda consider this the ocean because it’s big, blue, and goes on as far as the eye can see."
Wolschi stared in horror. "So we’re just… floating?"
Ronnie chuckled. "The stones that have always been above you are what plant us to the ground."
Tidus, desperate to calm the gnome down, tried convincing him that he couldn’t actually fall up.
Wolschi, still skeptical, looked at Tidus warily. "Can I tie a rope around our waists? Just in case?"
Tidus sighed. "Fine."
Wolschi borrowed rope from Ronnie, and as he was tying himself off, Zezz silently emerged from the hole.
She glanced up at the sky and chittered softly. "Night time? Didn’t think it would be night time."
Tidus, unfazed, pulled out his last pocket parm and began eating it.
Torkin’s voice shouted up from below. "Everyone up?"
Zezz responded with a faint chittering noise.
Torkin frowned. "What does that mean?!"
"Tug the ladder twice for yes!" Zezz called back.
After a brief pause, the ladder jiggled twice.
Satisfied, Torkin began his climb, making it up without issue.
At the top, Wolschi stared at the horizon.
"Are those cities in the distance up there?"
Tidus, sensing an opportunity, smirked. "We call them bing bongs up here. They're not cities—cities would be at our level."
Wolschi narrowed his eyes. "Why are they called bing bongs?"
Tidus shrugged. "I don’t know. Why are you called Wolschi?"
Wolschi had no rebuttal.
After a thoughtful pause, Tidus finally admitted, "I don't think anyone knows what they are."
Wolschi turned to Ronnie, still shaken. "Maybe that’s where your truth is, Ronnie. Up there. We didn’t find it down in my home. All we found was a weird people-jelly machine."
Ronnie smiled. "It’s possible. I think everyone’s truth is out there."
Wolschi tilted his head. "Oh… so you were just hoping yours was down in my home?"
Ronnie said nothing, only smiling wistfully.
The night sky was far brighter than what Wolschi was used to. Tidus made a mental note to find the gnome a pair of sunglasses before sunrise.
Not that he was willing to share his.
Ronnie, feeling the call of duty, cast Locate Object, focusing on the Shepherd’s Crook.
A soft ping resonated in his mind—from the south.
He turned to Zezz. "We should stop to the south first. Return the cows to the Shepherd."
Zezz nodded. "It seems wise to do so while we are here."
With the decision made, the party set out immediately.
In the distance, a familiar purplish glow flickered.
Tidus frowned. "That looks like the glow from the Anus when it was open before."
No one liked that thought.
The horizon darkened as the party moved through the night. Their footsteps crunched softly against the dry earth.
Then, ahead in the distance, a flickering campfire.
As they drew closer, they saw him.
The sleeping shepherd, slumped against a log, his crook resting across his lap.
As the party emerged into the night air, they spotted a flickering campfire in the distance. Ronnie, recognizing the familiar silhouette by the fire, called out.
"Holy shit, you're still alive! And you found my cows?!"
The Caprid shepherd sat up abruptly, rubbing sleep from his eyes. "Well, they're not really cows, they're Bovinities, but if you want to demean them in that way then..."
Ronnie, ignoring the correction, lifted the Shepherd's Ring and began releasing the Bovinities one by one. The shepherd's astonishment grew with each appearance. "Oh wait a second, I feel like there's one missing?"
Ronnie blinked. "Which one? What does it look like?"
"Oh no, I just miscounted," the shepherd admitted sheepishly. "I'm not so good at math."
Ronnie laughed. "I don't know if you know, but that yellow one over there? It can make lemonade."
The shepherd's jaw dropped as he processed this revelation. Ronnie, with a satisfied nod, also handed over the metal poop he'd found earlier. With the cows returned, the party settled in for the night, sharing the fire and warmth with the Caprid.
For the first time in their travels, Zezz slept instead of maintaining watch. Meanwhile, Ronnie struck up a conversation with the Shepherd, learning that Nicomedes had brought the Bovinities to him, claiming the plains needed them.
As a token of gratitude, the shepherd pulled off his well-worn boots and handed them to Ronnie. "Apologies if they smell a little bit like goat, but they'll do you some good."
Later in the night, the Caprid noticed Zezz's exhaustion and suggested a remedy. He walked over to the Bovine Supreme, milking it into a tin cup. The resulting liquid swirled purplish-white, thick and strangely luminescent. Without hesitation, he poured the milk over Zezz's head.
Zezz jolted awake, hands instinctively reaching for her blades. Yet as the exhaustion bled away from her limbs, the sticky residue of the milk clung to her carapace in an unsettling manner. She slowly lowered her weapons, twitching her antennae forward in a gesture of acknowledgment before bowing her head slightly.
"Good luck to ya," the Caprid muttered before falling asleep.
Ronnie, ever attentive to his surroundings, cast Create Water to refresh both his myconid and plains elemental. The myconid wiggled its tiny body in excitement, hugging the elemental and doing a joyful little butt wiggle before nestling beside Ronnie to sleep. The elemental, ever patient, performed a slow, weaving dance as it absorbed vitality from the land. As the night progressed, it grew larger, now standing at eight inches tall.
Zezz, sitting quietly beside the fire, directed a soft hum toward the Caprid. "Thank you, plains walker."
The Caprid yawned in response.
When morning came, the shepherd offered fresh strawberries and cream milk for breakfast, which proved to be absolutely delicious.
Tidus, never missing an opportunity for his favorite meal, asked, "Think you can parm this?"
The Caprid shook his head. "I don't have a parm cow, but if you've got the cheese, anything can be parm really."
With a dramatic flourish, Tidus pulled out his very last pocket parm and mixed it into the milk. The result was surprisingly delicious—against all logic, it worked.
With spirits high and bellies full, the party felt invigorated. A sense of divine favor lingered in the air as they realized they were blessed for the day ahead.
In the morning Zezz seems refreshed. She sets about unpacking the bag of holding and laying everything out in neat piles by category: 1) a pile of scrolls along with the Gob Mother’s Spell book. 2) Mask of Fear, Ioun Stone of reserve, ring of melting, Necklace of free flowing thought 3) 8 x seeds of the children 4) 5 x onyx, 2 x rubies, pile of gold, silver, copper, electrum. Ronathan smiles when he sees Zezz wake up refreshed. He relights the scraps of the fire last night and begins making some tea for everyone. The smell of food wakes Wolschi. He sees a few items in the piles that have runes and rushes towards them, heedless that he is still tied to Tidus.
This jerks Tidus awake. He unties the rope to let Wolschi go look. Then groggily follow you over, fully taking in Zezz’s ritual with the loot for the first time. Zezz broadcasts "Zzith’thal. Take what strengthens the hunt. Use it well.”
Tidus takes an onyx, a ruby and one fifth of the gold. Wolschi, after rubbing his belly where it hurts cuts the rope off and look over the 2 runic items (Ioun Stone of Reserve and Mask of Fear).
Zezz’s right antenna bobs and she broadcasts: “Taking is an obligation. Those who take Zzith’thal must use it well or leave it for those that will.” There is something approving in her buzzing tone as she sees Wolschi’s choices. Tidus has an overnight inspiration sets to foraging random nearby ingredients that he thinks he could parm. Ronnie helps.
Torkin picks up the ring of melting and slips it on his finger.
As the Caprid wandered eastward, Zezz turned to the others. "We will go through the top of the Anus to get back to the teleportation circle. Zezz turns to Wolschi. "You will be key. The Gob Mother works for your master."
¶ Session 20: (2/20/25)
Zezz suggests Wolschi demand the use of the Fairy Gobmother's teleportation circle in the service of his master Skarn. Ronnie says he has the ability to shapeshift and suggests that he turns into the strawberry shortcake cow that he recovered from the Gobmother's kitchen. Wolschi asks, “Do you just wanna be a cow? Is that your truth? Is that why you were taking all these cows?” Tidus responds with an enthusiastic “Cowabunga dudes!” Ronnie explains the party's previous encounter with the Gobmother to Wolschi but many of the details are incorrect. Whether that was on purpose or not is unknown to all, perhaps even Ronnie.
Wolschi's face drops a bit, seemingly disheartened by the tale.
Zezz suggests that returning her spell book may gain some favor.
Wolschi: “She'll want to know how we got it.”
Zezz: “Skarn killed Ronnie.”
Zezz suggests disguising the party. Ronnie suggests he can turn into a dragonborn but it only lasts 1 hour. We have some way to travel so he will do it as we get closer.
The party sets off for the Devil's Anus. It is about an hour walk until the party arrives at the familiar puckered opening in the stone. It stands open and is not glowing. It is normally only open at night and it is mid morning. Something is wrong. Zezz takes the lead, checking for traps on the narrow winding spiral staircase. The traps that she previously disarmed were re-armed and sprung. There is blood upon the stairs.
At the bottom of the stairs Zezz broadcasts: “Hold. Something is wrong. I disarmed these traps, yet they are triggered and there is blood.” Zezz points “ and there is a body.” The body is large and furry.
Wolschi asks “Why would this place be trapped?”
Zezz answers “To discourage gusts. Your master Skarn instructed the Gobmother to keep guests away.”
Wolschi responds “Ohhhhhhh, I get it.” Wolschi sends Skarn Jr to investigate. Zezz investigates the body and recognizes it as a gnoll. The body is fairly warm. Zezz broadcasts “Recently dead.” Zezz looks around the chamber and sees more bodies, spent crossbow bolts and the arm of a kobold.
Ronnie casts pass without trace granting +10 to stealth for the whole party. As the party makes their way down the anus the sounds, smells and sights of battle emerge. Ronnie closes his fanny pack to shield the myconid from the horrors of combat. Gnolls are battling the kobolds. Torkin asks “Should we get involved or sneak through?” Zezz responds “This is not our battle. We should make our way to the teleportation circle.” Unfortunately, there is no path to the circle. Flashes of flame light the large chamber sporadically.
Zezz skitters forward and executes a gnoll from behind. Torkin shoots a crossbow bolt and misses. The target turns and barks something. More gnolls turn.
Zezz uses the alert feat to swap initiative with Tidus. Tidus rushes forward and carves two gnolls to pieces also cutting their longbows in half. Tidus quips “I hope no one wanted those.”
Torkin shoots a couple crossbow bolts and one hits. The gnoll charges Torkin in response and slashed at him with two axes. One hits (4 damage), the other bounces off his shell.
The kobolds launch some form of artillery damaging gnolls but also catching Torkin, Zezz and Tidus in the volley (21 damage) and a second volley (17 damage). Ronnie coats a stone in holy water and flings it at a gnoll. It hits and the smell of burnt fur fills the air. The gnolls eyes flare with red light. Ronnie uses Spirit Totem granted all allies 10 temporary Hit Points.
Wolschi slams two eldritch blasts into the gnoll near Torkin (6 damage) and pushes it away 10 feet. Skarn Jr flies above the fray with orders to protect the “crapweasels”.
Zezz sprints out of sight behind a column and hides. She quickly emerges and fires a crossbow bolt which misses. The gnoll looks at Zezz and barks in an insulting tone, a tone that suggests Zezz is no true hunter. Zezz rushes forward and slices its throat. It stay upright far longer than it should have with its throat slit. It spits blood at Zezz, the red lights in its eyes dim and the body falls limp.
The kobolds appear to be rolling out in waves. They are wearing gear like a welder, shooting one shot and then retreating. Tidus falls back and suggest the party let the gnolls and kobolds fight it out. “There is a fuck ton of them”.
Torkin fires two more crossbow bolts (7 damage). The gnolls press forward and slaughter 7 kobolds. Bodies fly everywhere. One of the explosive wielding kobolds gets thrown aside. It's fuel pack clangs against a sharp stone and bursts causing an eruption of flame that kills 7 more kobolds. There are 13 gnolls still fighting while the kobold forces dwindle.
The kobolds become frantic and desperate. One kobold rushes forward with two lit sticks of dynamite. It explodes and takes 6 gnolls with it. Zezz and Tidus are on the fringes of the explosion (2 damage).
Ronnie, seeing his friends gravely wounded decides to start fighting. He casts call lightning. The cavern above the battle fills with roiling clouds. With a gesture Ronnie calls down a bolt of lightning that hits two gnolls. They survive but are startled by the change in events.
Wolschi calls out to Skarn Jr from the clouds and it stings a gnoll with its poisonous tail (DC 16). The gnoll spasms and dies. Wolschi forgoes his attack action to allow Skarn Jr to claw at one of the electrocuted gnolls (9 damage). The gnoll gurgles and dies.
Zezz chooses the gnolls closest to the kobolds and rushes forward. Zezz broadcasts “Allies have arrived. Cease fire!”. Zezz executes the gnoll in front of the kobolds (20 damage). The kobolds seem slightly heartened. As the blood splatters Zezz, surrounded by gore and the sight, sounds and smells of battle Zezz begins to change. Her limbs lengthen, purple fur sprouts from her carapace and floppy ears spring from her head. Her lycanthropy transforms her into a bunnywere.
Tidus runs up to the next gnoll and slashes through it, then another. Torkin fires a couple more crossbow bolts.
A transformation overtakes the gnolls. Mist pours from their red eyes, there muscles ripple like something is squirming within them. A scream, like that of a painfully wounded dog erupts from them. In unison, they turn to Zezz and say “We are walking here. You interrupt.” All three slowly walk up to Zezz. Each footstep makes a depression in the earth that fills with blood. They attack Zezz. One of the three hit and wrap their arms around Zezz. The gnolls arms begin to sink into Zezz, her flesh being pulled into it.
The kobolds drop one of the remaining gnolls.
Ronnie calls another bolt of lightning down on the gnoll grappling Zezz. He uses Meta Magic: Careful Spell to ensure Zezz isn't harmed by the blast. Blue lightning strikes down. Dust blows around the gnoll. Red glowing eyes flash almost in response to the blue of the lightning and then fade and go black as it falls to the ground.
Skarn Jr flies forward and stabs the last gnoll with its tail. The red eyes fade and the gnoll dies. The kobolds cheer and yell, “Hooray! Now save the kits!”
Wolschi casts minor illusion to make Skarn's booming voice proclaim “By the order of Skarn, Commander of the Gobmother, I command you to halt and explain what happened here!”
One of the larger kobolds walks up and says “Save Kits.” Ronnie knows “kits” is the word for children. Ronnie yells, “They're saying to save their kids. Save the youth of the kobolds.” Ronnie walks forward and says “We mean you no harm. We're emissaries of Skarn.”
Zezz, still transformed and out of control (Wis Save - 8 fail) swipes at Ronnie as he approaches but misses. Wolschi casts calm emotions. The fire in Zezz's eyes dim and Zezz sinks to the ground. Fur sinks back in, ears retract, claws retract. Zezz buzzes, embarrassed and exhausted broadcasts “That was unpleasant.”
Ronnie uses channel divinity: turning tides to heal Tidus and Zezz. The kobolds become impatient and start yelling and pulling on the party “Save kits! Save kits!” Ronnie helps Zezz up. Zezz accepts his hand, notable progress in trust. Zezz thanks Ronnie telepathically. Zezz hides how hurt she is (nat 20 deception roll) and Torkin heals himself (13 healing).
The kobolds lead the party to a large steel door torn off it's hinges. The sounds of a slaughter, screams and crying are coming from ahead. There is one huge gnoll with red mist swirling about it. It bites the head off of a kobold child and throws the body in a pile.
Ronnie rushes forward, filled with rage and unleashes a radiant bolt of angry spirits that rush the gnoll and tear it to pieces. The kobolds hug Ronnie and pepper him with questions.
“Who you? Thank you! Why is the anus open during the day?”
Zezz broadcasts to the group: “Did we shut the anus behind us when we came through last?" The question hangs unanswered. Zezz continues, “These creatures may have followed us.”
Torkin responds, “Did you notice the gnolls? They were behaving like he who walks.”
Wolschi asks “Who is he who walks.” Torkin provides a description.
Zezz asks the kobolds “Where is the Gobmother? Why did she not protect you?” The old kobold responds “Good fucking question.”
Wolschi announces “Welp. We've done what we came for. Shall we move onto the teleportation circle?" The group agrees and seeks out the Gobmother. Her illusory wall is not up. As the party approaches Ronnie uses disguise self to lookk like a dragonborn and says that he will pretend to be Wolschi's bodyguard.
Zezz leads the way into the Gobmother's lair. There is a small barricade and two goblins with crossbows at the ready scream “Fuck Off. You are not welcome here!"
Zezz broadcasts “We come with the emissary of Skarn! Stand Down!” The goblins immediately set about breaking down the barricade so we might enter. Tehre is one more chair facing away from the party as they enter.
Wolschi announces “ Oh, Fairy Gobmother, we have come as Skarn has need of your teleportation circle. We have come seeking knowledge through that teleportation circle.”
The chair rotates slowly as small goblin feet shuffle it around. One side of the Gobmother's face droops and is unmoving. She says in a feeble voice “I no longer have the power to execute Skarn's vision. I've fallen on tough times, emissary. I cannot close the portal. I have not the magic, and I have not the stamina. The beasts have slaughtered your filter. You know what, tell Skarn they are individuals and they died by the score guiarding his realm. These people came in and stole my spell book and crippled me so.” She then spits upon the ground.
Torkin and Ronnie ask Zezz, “Should we just give her the spell book? Seems like she really needs it. ”
Zezz looks to Ronnie and says “Zze'kett, a debt. If you wish this, I will make it so Ka'Tirrek.” Zezz hands the book to Ronnie. Ronnie, in his dragonborn disguise hands the book to the Gobmother. He disguises his voice as well and says “a gift from Skarn.”
She takes the book and hugs it close “My book, my book! Can Skarn save this horrible body? Some horrible creatures came in and ruined me. I am but a fraction of myself. Torkin responds ”We will ask Skarn." The party leaves and heads to the teleportation circle.
¶ Session 21: (2/27/25)
Zezz slides down the tunnel to the teleportation circle and disarms the trap. She managed to salvage the trap mechanism. She broadcasts to the party, “Come slow, it is safe to descend.”
Torkin tucks into his shell and launches himself down the passage yelling “weeeeee” the whole way. Ronnie, Tidus and Wolschi follow. Wolschi rushes to the teleportation circle and memorizes the runes inscribed along its rim. Ronnie writes in the book that we are at the teleportation circle.
In response hastily scrawled text appears: “Thankfully. Must come fast. Stand in portal. Apologies about the experience.” Ronnie blesses everyone except himself. The party in wrenched through the portal and it feels like their upper bodies and lower bodies are moving in separate directions, like they are twisting in upon themselves. Zezz and Torkin violently throw up (failed CON save). Wolschi explains that being pulled through a teleportation circle is far more violent of an experience then using them properly.
Foot greets the party and tells us to follow.
“Bad tidings. I'll let the boss explain.” Foot leads them to the living room where Big Muff stands looking somber. Tidus rushes up to him with his Greater Healing potion and says “Muff! Muff! Look! I still got it!”
Big Muff responds, “good, you may need it.” He explains there has been an attack at the Muffleball training facility. All the players, the coaches and the staff have been killed with a psychic blast. “Their brains are goo.” Some weird hairless human looking thing with weird clothing and a mouth that doesn't open killed itself and everyone else in the blast. The creature had a message written in its flesh. “Fuck you. Your fault.”
Zezz explains that this creature matches the description of the Adversary. Tidus throws up at the realization that his entire team is dead. Big Muff questions why the Adversary would make this move now. “It seems like they one. Why be so overt.” Zezz responds “Fear. We see them now. They are strong when they are not seen.”
Tidus suggests we rebuild the team. Zezz says “I do not fear these, god or no. They bleed, they die, they can be hunted.”
Big Muff suggests we play to lure the Adversary out and asks “how can I help?”
Tidus says, “We need a team! And better security. And better gear and I need a bigger locker. The next game is in 3 days against the Underbelly Thumpers. They are a group of rowdy dwarves that ride pigs during the game. Wolschi is surprised they are able to ride mounts. Tidus explains ”Wolschi, its continuation rule 113.d. You gotta read the rulebook!" Wolschi doesn't read so well so Tidus offers to teach him.
Big Muff offers to bankroll our mission “whatever you need.” Ronnie requests his old number, 11. Big Muff responds, “I feel that's the least you deserve.”
Big Muff: “ You mentioned security, what do you have in mind?”
Tidus: “Big guys. Big, big guys! The bigger the guys, the safer the players will feel.” Big Muff offers little guys with magic. Zezz suggests that we need a way to counteract their psychic ability.
Wolschi investigates the Seeds of the Children. He discovers that they can be used as a magic condenser. Zezz asks if the Seeds can be used to protect us from a psychic explosion. “An implosion?” Wolschi says “The Gobmother basically used the same magic to open and close the Anus. Its not the exact same but, you get it right?” Wolschi makes a hole with his fist and makes it open and close. “Open, close, open, close, explode, implode.”
Zezz asks Wolschi if he knows how Skarn's alarm runes work? Could he set alarms tuned to the Adversary? Wolschi responds “Anything is possible with the help of Skarn. It's something I can certainly attempt.”
Tidus asks how the Adversary got into the building. Big Muff responds that people across the street from the facility saw them walk right in the front door, right passed the guard.
Ronnie excitedly exclaims “This means I get to see Tally again! Its been so long. I can't wait to got to the city now.” Big Muff looks from Ronnie to Zezz and shakes his head in bewilderment. Big Muff asks Wolschi who he is.
Wolschi responds, “I serve Skarn, our lord and savior.”
The goblins perked up at the mention of the Bovinities, their eyes gleaming with curiosity.
Zezz, observing their reaction, buzzed, "It appears as though there are many demigods at play. Nicomedes, Shabuli, Skarn, The Children, He Who Walks."
At the mention of He Who Walks, the goblins shrank back in fear, muttering among themselves.
"Bad, bad nightmares," they whispered.
Big Muff confirmed that he knew Nicomedes, while the goblins explained that the Bovinities brought magic to the plains.
Then, seemingly out of nowhere, Wolschi asked, "Who is Gym Equipment?"
Tidus furrowed his brow. "What?"
Wolschi nodded seriously, "We need to find Gym Equipment so that he can help us get stronger."
No one corrected him.
With the upcoming match against the Underbelly Thumpers, Wolschi needed a mount to ride during the game.
"I want to ride a spider," he announced.
Ronnie, ever the problem solver, mused, "I can make you a spider to ride."
But before he could act, Zezz wordlessly ripped a patch from her Cloak of Useful Items and flung it to the ground. A massive mastiff materialized, standing tall and expectant.
Tidus grinned and clapped Wolschi on the back. "Ask and you shall receive. Zezz is a good crapweasel."
Wolschi stared into the mastiff’s eyes, unmoving.
"Befriend him," Tidus suggested, nudging Wolschi forward.
Wolschi took a step closer, his gaze piercing and unwavering. The mastiff recoiled, then lowered its head submissively.
Inside the dog’s mind, an unnatural vision took hold. It saw itself falling into a pool of inky blackness, landing in a room of fire. Wolschi sat on a throne, whispering, "You will let me ride you. You will do as I say, or many bad things will happen." The mastiff saw countless visions of its own lives and deaths, flashing before its eyes.
Wolschi grinned and climbed onto its back. "I think this will work!"
Tidus tilted his head. "What’s his name?"
Wolschi leaned close to the mastiff, whispering in gruff Gnomish, "What is your name?"
The mastiff let out a whimper, barely audible.
Wolschi sat up. "His name is Whimper."
Zezz turned to Big Muff. "I need a moment… in private."
Torkin, without hesitation, left the room.
Tidus slung an arm around Wolschi and steered him out. "I'm gonna show you the pitch."
Ronnie lingered for a moment, hesitant, then closed the door behind him… almost. His nose remained peeking inside as he listened.
Foot stayed.
Zezz turned to Big Muff and asked, "Does Foot have your complete trust?"
"Of course," Big Muff replied.
Zezz nodded. "And you understand the obligation of trust?"
"Yep."
Zezz’s mandibles clicked. "You communicate with my Hive Queen, yes?"
Big Muff raised a brow. "I have."
"I would like a message sent to her to inform her of my accomplishments."
Big Muff leaned forward. "Oh?"
Zezz’s tone was measured. "Some of which, I need to inform you of now. A clutch has been born in the depths of the Anus, in a room of lava behind an iron door. The Queen should know this. Within a month, the brood will be born. It will overtake, in time, feeding on the Kobolds and the Gobmother, and leaving Skarn within his domain."
Big Muff's expression was unreadable.
Zezz continued. "Within their area, there are divination pools and a destroyed teleportation circle. I would like to commission your arcanists to fix the teleportation circle. As part of the compensation, I will allow them use of the divination pools."
"Divination pools?" Big Muff’s interest piqued.
Zezz nodded. "Yes. The Adversary was using them for their magics. I do not understand them, but your arcanists likely will."
A pause.
"I have one more request."
Big Muff leaned back.
Zezz continued, *"For your arcanists. I would like them to teach the smartest and most cunning of my brood when the time comes. Your magics are not known or common among my people, so this strength will add to the Hive greatly. In return, I will *continue to serve you and the Muffleball Republic."
Big Muff studied Zezz before responding. "And will your progeny do the same?"
"In time. They are not yet born. But as they overtake the Devil’s Anus, and come into their strength, they will contribute as well."
Big Muff’s lips curled into a knowing smile. "I tell you what… You make an interesting bargain here. Let me be more specific. I'll do as you ask. I'll ask Foot and his family to train an amount of your progeny in the mystical arts and make them powerful practitioners."
Zezz remained motionless.
Big Muff continued, "But, should you and your compatriots be successful in saving the Muffleball Republic, I would like your progeny to serve as the Muffleball Guard. I will use all of my resources to ensure they are the most unassailable force in this realm."
Zezz considered this for a long moment. Then, without another word, she extended a hand.
Big Muff shook it.
In the hallway, Ronnie’s nose twitched. He had heard everything.
The group took a short rest at Big Muff’s before leaving. Tidus, ever hungry, made a replenishing meal for himself and Torkin, ensuring they would recover extra vitality before the next journey. Meanwhile, Ronnie wandered into the garden. With a single moment of quiet concentration, he changed the land itself—all plants within six miles would yield twice their normal bounty for the next year. It went entirely unnoticed by the party.
The trip to the city would take eight hours. Tidus insisted Wolschi ride Whimper the entire way to forge a stronger bond. Periodically, Tidus launched Muffleballs at Wolschi, forcing him to develop his reflexes mid-ride. Halfway through the journey, Zezz paused. Her antennae twitched at a sound above the trees—high-pitched screeches, just barely within the audible range. It was getting closer.
"Something approaches from above!" Zezz warned, slipping into the treeline and vanishing. Torkin moved to the side of the road and withdrew into his shell, blending into the surroundings.
Wolschi vanished into invisibility, leaving Whimper alone and exposed. Tidus, ever subtle, tripped over himself and crashed into the dirt. Ronnie waited, biding his time before disappearing at the last moment. The creatures swarmed overhead, dark winged shapes circling above. They screeched, searching, but saw nothing below. After what felt like an eternity, the shapes passed. Zezz emerged from the shadows. "The coast is clear." The party pressed on, moving carefully toward Pythagoras.
As the group made their way back into Pythagoras, Ronnie turned to Zezz, an idea forming in his mind. "We should check in on Tally. See how he’s been holding up."
Zezz halted abruptly, her antennae twitching. There was a brief pause before she spoke, her tone measured. "I need you to prepare your brain so that it does not break."
Ronnie’s brow furrowed. He raised his hands protectively over his head, as if expecting Zezz to strike him.
"There is a truth that I must tell you," Zezz continued. "One that you may not be prepared to hear."
Ronnie swallowed hard. "Okay. Uh… Yeah, Zezz, anything!"
There was no hesitation in Zezz’s next words. "Tally is dead."
Ronnie staggered, his stomach twisting violently. He vomited onto the cobblestone street, his eyes welling with tears. Wolschi snapped his fingers, a sharp sound cutting through the moment. "Whimper, clean that up." The mastiff, obedient as ever, eagerly complied, lapping up the mess while Ronnie gasped for breath.
Still shaking, Ronnie wiped his mouth, his voice unsteady. "How do you know?"
Zezz’s response was simple. "Tally has been dead for six months."
Ronnie blinked rapidly, his hands trembling. "Since we left?"
"Since well before this." Zezz’s voice was steady, matter-of-fact. "Tally died when his parents fell in the bridge collapse." The words took a moment to sink in. Realization dawned slowly on Ronnie's face as he pieced it together.
"Y...y… You?" he finally managed.
Zezz nodded, her mandibles clicking softly. "It is a… talent… among some of my people." Without thinking, Ronnie threw his arms around her in a hug. Zezz stiffened immediately, her antennae jerking back in alarm. "This is… unpleasant," she broadcasted telepathically.
Ronnie sniffled, pulling back slightly. "I'm sorry, I'm just so… well, uh… I guess thank you for finding me, Zezz. And for giving me my first friend in a long time. It meant a lot to me."
Zezz tilted her head slightly, not entirely understanding the emotions at play. Her right antenna bobbed slowly. "You taught me much. Allowed me entrance into…" She glanced around at Pythagoras, the bustling city that had become familiar over time. "…into this place. It is… … … appreciated."
Then, with a fluid motion, she pulled a cowl over her face, her form shifting and melting into the familiar image of Tally once more. "I am more comfortable traveling as Tally within Pythagoras." Tidus, having overheard some of the conversation, felt his stomach turn. He clutched his gut, face twisting in revulsion. "I don't need to see the body," he groaned. "I'm gonna head to the cafeteria and… make parm or something."
He staggered away, muttering something about coming up with a new hand motion for "Parm it" instead of "Pound it."
Hal was somehow still alive. Ronnie and Hal exchanged a few words, catching up after all the chaos that had unfolded in Pythagoras. Meanwhile, Wolschi and Torkin fell into a discussion about Muffleball. "Wait, you've never played Muffleball before?" Wolschi asked incredulously.
Torkin shook his head. This revelation prompted Wolschi to grill Hal next. "Why don't you play Muffleball?"
Hal sighed, shifting uncomfortably. "Hurt my knees lifting… nothing."
Tally—Zezz in disguise—rolled his eyes. "We can't all just sit around guarding a door all day. We've got work to do." Torkin took a step closer to Hal, his expression turning serious. "Were you guarding the door when the Adversary entered the building?"
Hal’s face darkened slightly, his usual carefree attitude momentarily slipping. "Yeah… I saw a person. Then I don't remember anything." He tapped his temple. "I think he messed with my noggin." Tally narrowed his eyes, antennae twitching beneath the illusion.
Ronnie, however, was focused on another detail. "So… wait. If all the coaches and people who ran this place are dead, does that mean Tidus owns the building now?"
There was a long pause. "Huh," Wolschi muttered. "That’s kind of funny." In the cafeteria, the surviving kitchen staff recounted how they had hidden inside metal cabinets during the attack. "How did you know to do that?" Torkin asked, puzzled.
One of the staffers shrugged. "Maybe we had a premonition." Meanwhile, everyone except Tidus went to investigate the Adversary’s remains.
The body was twisted and grotesque. Its eyes had exploded, leaving behind bloody pools where they once were. Blood dripped from its ears, and its mouth had never existed at all—just smooth, featureless flesh where it should have been.
Wolschi peered at the corpse. "Oh, is Gym Equipment here? We should go meet him. Have him come help us."
Tally—Zezz—tilted his head slightly. Unlike Wolschi, he was aware that there actually wasn't a man named Gym Equipment. Deciding to test something, Tally moved a Seed of The Children closer to the body. Immediately, the crystal inside the seed began to vibrate.
Wolschi’s eyes widened, his Detect Magic revealing an overwhelming surge of energy pouring from the crystal. Ronnie, using Detect Good and Evil, saw something even more disturbing. Residue of evil divine energy was intensifying—focused directly on the crystal. Tally’s voice was calm as he spoke. "Wolschi, use the crystal to set an alarm. That way, we’ll be notified if these creatures approach again."
Wolschi nodded. "And maybe we can rig it to trigger a trap too." Tally approved.
The group regrouped in the cafeteria, where Tidus had been fully enparmed. Ronnie, inspired by the moment, asked Tidus to show him how to make parm.
"I want to make Strawberry Parm." Tidus, despite his earlier discomfort, perked up at the challenge. He launched into a detailed explanation of "Parming it", demonstrating the proper techniques. Ronnie, focused and determined, followed every step. His hands worked expertly, his intuition guided by the spirits around him. When he finished, he presented the dish to Tidus with a flourish.
Tidus took a bite. His eyes widened.
"By the gods," he whispered. Ronnie had rolled a natural 20 on his Strawberry Parm. Without hesitation, he gave the entire dish to Tidus.
Tidus nodded solemnly. "Respect."
Torkin approached the cafeteria staff, curiosity getting the better of him. "Why did you all hide in the lockers?" The staff exchanged glances before one of them spoke.
"We are adherents of Shabuli," one of them explained. "Parm is sacred to Shabuli," another added."She gave us a premonition," a third chimed in. "Told us something bad was coming. So we hid in the metal lockers."
There was a long silence. Wolschi blinked. "Well. That’s convenient."
¶ Session 22: (3/06/25)
¶ Downtime between sessions: There are 3 days until the Muffleball game between the Bearded Gnomes and the Underbelly Thumpers. During that time the party is free to do as they choose.
¶ Zezz Vez'Rek:
Zezz writes to Big Muff using the two-way communication book and requests use of the Teleportation Circle to return to the Devil's Anus so she can return to the Hive. Zezz asks that Big Muff have his servants sell a Ruby and 5 Black Opals while Zezz is away. Foot, having studied the Seed of the Children offers what information he has learned:
- The Seeds can be used to power something, but given its provenance there are inherent risks to doing so.
- They can be used to grow something, not necessarily just the recipe for the scion.
- They can be expended in one quick burst for an extreme effect.
Zezz asked: “What is powered or grown from the seed, is it not under the control or influence of the children?”
Foot: “That is the risk. Do they retain some control of power spent? We do not know this.”
Zezz: “Are these seeds a creation of the children or their followers or something corrupted or impregnated with their power?”
Foot: “They are a distillation of the power of The Children into a physical locus within the material plane.”
Zezz: “Could the seeds and the divination pools within the Devils Anus be used to find the remaining Adversaries?”
Foot: “Such a thing would come with substantial risks as the resulting interaction is wholly unknown, but possibly”
Zezz: "Can seeds be created that are not of the children?” and “Do all the demigods have similar seeds?”
Foot: “It seems entirely possible if not probable. If one of the demigods can focus there essence so, why not the others? Perhaps there are risks associated with such a creation or perhaps the more balance focused demigods merely choose not to unleash their power in such a way. A perhaps they do, just in less obvious ways or merely ways we have yet to discover. So many questions, so few answers.”
Zezz: "“No more questions. I will inform those that understand the arcane better than I. I am prepared to go.”
Foot hands Zezz a letter from Big Muff to her Queen and teleports her back to the Gobmother's lair.
Zezz approaches her openly and informs the Gobmother that she will need use of the Teleportation Circle again soon. She offers to carry a message to her Queen. As neighbors, perhaps the Thrikreen can assist in the defense of the Devil’s Anus until she regains her strength.
The Gobmother appears slightly restored, though still desultory and with a pronounced droop to one side of her face. She says "fine, fine, do whatever you want bug. The kobolds were decimated so some bug guards wouldn't hurt while they recover.
Zezz leaves out the top of the Anus and heads on to the hive. She moves quickly and see a storm in the distance, though as you move closer you see it is not made of dark clouds but a swarm of thousands of smaller creatures. It is still have half a mile away as she enters the Hive.
Zezz broadcasts a greeting/passphrase as she enters the hive to avoid being confused with an enemy. The soldiers hidden around the entrance and initial tunnels dip their antennae in recognition and let her pass. “I must convene with Ka’Zzirrack (hive queen) immediately.”
Zezz broadcasts a message to be relayed from Thrikreen to Thrikreen deep into the tunnels, “Ka’Zzirack, Zezz Vez’Rek returns with quest status, information, powerful items and a missive from the one called Big Muff. I seek an audience immediately. I have to return quickly to the Vaesh city.”
The nearest guard relays that Zezz has been granted such an audience and Zezz wastes no time sprinting through the tunnels to the Queen's chamber.
Deep in the hive, through layers of frightening defenses and barracks, past branches Zezz knows lead to worker rooms where food is made and harvested, to the queens sanctum. This is a massive cavern with unseeable boundaries in all directions. Out of the darkness, 30’ up, Zezz sees just the queen’s head enter your visible area, a face much like her own but stretched to massive proportions as she’s evolved over hundreds, maybe thousands of years.
She chitters at you aggressively. “Why are you here Zezz Vez’reck when you should be performing your mission among the Vaesh? Do my orders mean nothing to you?” A massive appendage with a spike on it hovers just on the edge of darkness, poised to strike.
Zezz prostrates herself, head down and responds quickly: “Your orders are why I have returned. I have learned much, earned allies, destroyed Adversaries, obtained powerful items, parlayed with demi-gods, infiltrated the depths of the Devil’s Anus, birthed a clutch and expanded your domain.”
“I have the opportunity to expand it farther but require aid. I bring a letter from the one called Big Muff.” Zezz holds it over her head.
The Quueen considers and responds: “That is much Zezz Vez’Reck. Tell me of this adversary. Does it threaten the hive? What is the status of your clutch? When can we expect their addition to the hive?"
Zezz responds: “The Adversary are Scions of demi-gods known as “The Children”. They have usurped control of the Muffleball republic in secret over the last 30 years by influencing the outcome of the Muffleball games. I have stolen their seeds and their instructions for creating more scions.” Zezz draws out her 7 seeds and the book and places them on the floor in front of her. ”They have not threatened the hive directly yet but I expect they will since I have routed them from their domain in the Devils Anus, slain 2 of their Scions and taken their seeds. By hunting these scions I have gained influence, I have expanded the reach of the hive. I have bartered my service and the service of my brood for arcane power, equipment and influence in the Muffleball Republic."
“The clutch is deep within the Devils Anus past Skarn’s territory in a cavern filed with streams of magma. 174 eggs in all. They will hatch within the month. The conditions are ideal. They will secure the Devil’s Anus in time, all but Skarn’s domain. We shall control the Devil’s Anus and earn a debt from Skarn for securing it. We shall protect the city of Pythagoras and earn debt, influence and acceptance into the Muffleball Republic. If we play thier game we can win control without war as the Adversary has.”
“The most immediate danger to the hive is from He Who Walks. It has unleashed Kizz’act (abominations) on the plains above. Swarms of rats and crows, band of possessed gnolls and nightmare creatures. The Tza’Ket (trusted non-Thrikreen companions) and I have slain these or escaped these numerous encounters.”
Queen: “You speak truths, we knew of these abominations but not their source. This He Who Walks must be destroyed or disrupted, his effluence of horrors has made game in the plains above scarce, which constrains the hive. Remove this limitation Zezz Vez’Reck and I will allow your clutch limited autonomy and not be fully assimilated into the hive. Do not think I missed your dodging of my question. As for the rest, consider how you can use this influence to further the hive. We seek metals or fully formed weapons, a free flow of sustenance, expansion of our territory, and trading with the people of the plains and Pythagorous. Perhaps it is also time for us to guide the flock of vaesh so their frailties do not inhibit the hive in the future. Secure us influence in the government of the republic, preferably hidden but we will consider more openly if the scale of influence merits. Lastly, these demi-gods seem to be disruptive of the hive’s goals. Kill them all. The thri kreen have no need of gods, destroy them and mount their heads on a spike as warning to other beings that wish to play god. Their followers should likewise be destroyed in such a way as to set an example to the rest of the vaesh. Teach the food that their job is to stay silent and not raise up dangers to the Hive.”
Zezz lowers herself again before responding, “Ket’Zzirak (acceptance of a sacred charge), Rek’Quiss (The hunt begins). The blood of gods will feed your brood and strengthen the hive. This hunter requires adequate tools and wisdom of the Queen to make it so.”
The Queen scolds: "Does the hive now work for you small queen?”
“Nevertheless, I seek results so I will provide you some additional resources. I will allow you a squad (12) of soldiers to use as you see fit. You may take from the armories any mundane weapon or armor you desire for your personal use, plus whatever poisons (basic), acids (vials), or oils (flasks) you deem necessary. As to wisdom I gift you this. Your time among the herd has left your thoughts much like that of prey. You must seek these adversaries and strike before they can react. None should have left the anus alive. Let none escape you again.”
Zezz lowers herself further: "Ka’Vel’ek (The Queen Speaks, I obey)”
After a few moments, Zezz dares to speak again: “I have studied the adversary. These scions of the children have psionic powers that I have not seen. I seek to shield myself and allies from their attacks and influence. How can this be done? Perhaps these seeds can be used to resist their power?”
Queen: “You push you boundaries small queen. I will allow it this once as the information you bring is prescient and represents a potential threat to the hive. The power of the mind is like any other power, you either divert it or use greater power to overcome it. Simple defenses will break either immediately or over time, failure is inevitable. Directing the flow so it does not target you is much simpler. Meeting the power with greater power if possible is the surest path to victory. Using this so called demi-god of the food’s own power against it however risks subversion. You build a dam on unstable ground and it is not the dam that fails but the footing, and failure results nevertheless.”
The Queen finally acknowledges the letter and stabbed it with the spike appendage. Zezz hears some rustling and her head withdraws for a moment and she returns without comment earlier on. “Tell Big Muff that it is agreed. I expect him to hold up his end of the bargain, should it be necessary. If he does not, I will devour him and everyone he has ever held dear.”
Zezz grabs crossbow bolts x 40, poison (basic) x 10, acid vials x 10.Zezz gets her squad of warriors x 12 and ensures they are equipped with longbows and spears. Zezz leaves 6 warriors at the Devils Anus. 2 will be instructed to secure where her eggs are located. She will use encode thoughts to provide directions and inform them of the dangers they might encounter. She will also give them images of her allies including Foot. (Just in case). 4 warriors will be presented to the Gobmother to assist with the defense of the Devil’s Anus entryway and give her 5x poison and acid vials that her kobold engineers might use.
The Gobmother seems slightly less despondent with the assistance and surprised the thrikreen would engage. Zezz tells her “The world above has gone mad. The Thrikreen rise to beat it back. We will not cower in our holes like Vaesh and let the madness spill into our home. Those strong enough to fight may yet find themselves amongst our allies.” She’s a little confused but accepts the assistance anyway.
Tidus, Torkin and Wolschi focused primarily on the study of Muffleball. Ronnie split time between Muffleball training and helping the poor surrounding Shabuli's temple.
¶ The Bearded Gnomes vs. The Underbelly Thumpers: A Game of Redemption
The Bearded Gnomes had no business winning this game. Three days prior, their entire organization had been wiped out in a psychic massacre, leaving nothing but an empty stadium and the ghost of failure that had haunted them for decades. After their humiliating 137-0 loss to the Lords of Blades in Week 1—where their star player, Tidus Efefex, was absent—most assumed this game would be more of the same.
But what took the field against the Underbelly Thumpers was not the same Bearded Gnomes.
Instead of a broken team, the Gnomes took the field with a squad of misfits, unknowns, and legends reborn.
- Ronnie "Slippery Fingers" McMullens, a long-forgotten fan favorite, stepped out of retirement and into history, proving that he still had magic in his feet—and his hands.
- Tidus Efefex played like the superstar everyone knew he was, cutting through the Thumpers’ defense like a knife, juking, sprinting, and weaving through their dirty plays without missing a beat.
- Zezz, Torkin, and Wolschi—three complete unknowns—filled out the roster.
- Zezz, the Thrikreen enigma, played with an unorthodox but ruthless efficiency, taking the role of enforcer and making the Thumpers think twice before going near her.
- Torkin, a literal tank, absorbed hit after hit, bouncing the Thumpers off his shell while keeping the team protected.
- Wolschi, the wiry deep gnome with zero recorded history of playing Muffleball, baffled the Thumpers with pure, chaotic energy.
From the opening play, it was clear something had changed. The Bearded Gnomes were no longer a joke.
The Game Itself: Brutality and Vindication
The Underbelly Thumpers, as expected, played dirty. Their hog-riding dwarves used every underhanded trick in the book—grabbing jerseys, using poisoned shivs and incendiary grenades but the referees never once blew the whistle.
And it didn’t matter.
Despite the blatant fouls, the Bearded Gnomes destroyed the Thumpers in a brutal, lopsided victory.
- Tidus, predictably unstoppable, played with ferocity and flair, cutting through defenders with dazzling footwork and setting up plays like a seasoned champion.
- But the real story? Ronnie McMullens.
After years in the wilderness, Ronnie had his moment of vindication.
- He made two breathtaking touchdown receptions, his infamous Slippery Fingers catching passes that no mortal should have been able to secure.
- The first was a diving, fingertip grab, weaving through three defenders and rolling into the end zone.
- The second? A miracle play. Ronnie, surrounded by two Thumpers, caught the ball with his feet, flipped onto his back, and, without even standing up.
- The crowd, once resigned to another Bearded Gnomes disaster, exploded in celebration.
Final Score: Bearded Gnomes - 91, Underbelly Thumpers - 16.
The Thumpers were humiliated. Their dirty play had failed. The Bearded Gnomes had risen from the ashes. And for the first time in decades, they weren’t a joke.
¶ Session 23:
¶ Downtime Before the Game
The five days leading up to the match against the Cultivars were anything but restful. Each member of the Bearded Gnomes spent the time preparing in their own way, strengthening the team and, in some cases, the city itself.
¶ Ronnie: The People’s Champion
Ronnie "Slippery Fingers" McMullen split his time between two noble pursuits: training his teammates and cleaning up the city. Unlike most spellcasters who might have used magic for such a task, Ronnie insisted on doing things the old-fashioned way. Armed with nothing but a bag and a picker, he roamed the streets, gathering trash and debris, inspiring others with his quiet determination.
Hundreds followed his example. The Gewehr of Shabuli joined him, and soon, a movement began. As the streets cleared, people started using the newly cleaned spaces to build makeshift shelters, ensuring that those without homes would no longer be left to the elements. The impact of Ronnie’s simple actions rippled through Pythagoras, leaving an unmistakable mark.
His other half of the week was spent training Torkin and Wolschi in the ways of Muffleball. Torkin, the burly tortle, had never played before, but by the end of their sessions, he had learned enough to be competent—a dangerous word when combined with Torkin’s natural durability. Together, Ronnie and Torkin devised a special move, to be used once per game:
- "The Green Shell" – Torkin would get a running start, tuck into his shell, and essentially become an unstoppable, rolling projectile.
- Attack roll vs. AC 14. Every +2 over 14 would knock out a defender, leaving them with disadvantage on their next turn because they had just been flattened by a literal boulder with legs.
¶ Torkin: The Reluctant Athlete
With three days of Ronnie’s training and two days with Tidus, Torkin developed a functional grasp of Muffleball strategy. As a reward for his efforts, he earned three +2 tokens to use during matches, allowing him to push himself beyond his normal capabilities.
Though he had initially been skeptical about the sport, by the end of the training, he found himself excited. Knocking people over was fun.
¶ Tidus: The Recruiter
Tidus took his downtime to address a pressing issue: the team needed a sixth player. The Bearded Gnomes were riding the high of their shocking win over the Underbelly Thumpers, but they couldn’t afford to play short-handed again.
He went straight to Big Muff for suggestions.
Big Muff didn’t hesitate. “I got someone,” he said, leaning back in his chair. “A little… unconventional, but you’ll love him.”
That’s how Tidus found himself meeting "Nuts."
- An eccentric wildcard with a manic energy that rivaled Tidus himself.
- “He’s got some weird shit planned,” Big Muff warned. “He doesn’t wanna spoil it, but if you throw him in the game, he’s got something weird up his sleeve.”
- Tidus, intrigued, hired Nuts on the spot.
When he wasn’t recruiting, Tidus spent time helping Torkin refine his Muffleball instincts—and, more importantly, learning the tricks to handling Pythagoras management. With no leadership left in the Bearded Gnomes’ organization, Tidus realized he could set ticket prices himself. An idea formed.
What if half the increased revenue… went straight into his paycheck?
¶ Wolschi: Master of Preparation
While the others focused on the game, Wolschi was focused on logistics.
Securing the training facility
- He helped establish a teleportation circle so that the team could move efficiently between games.
Receiving his new mount
- Skarn’s kobolds delivered a gift—a galumphing six-legged lizard from Skarn himself.
- The creature had a strange, rippling gait, with its front legs moving first, then the middle, then the back.
- It had a perpetually flopped-out pink tongue, dumb but unmistakably lovable.
- The first thing it did upon seeing Wolschi was slurp him with a sandpaper-like tongue.
- Wolschi wiped his face, grimacing. "Oh, we'll work on that… but you'll do."
Securing the Arena
- Wolschi set up hidden alarms around key areas, focusing on the previously attacked regions.
- The alarms would be silent, triggering only for the team—a precaution in case the Adversary returned.
¶ Zezz: Commander of the Brood
While the rest of the team focused on Muffleball, Zezz was building an army.
- She rotated her bug warriors through all defensive roles, ensuring they were familiar with both the city and the Hive's duties.
- Some guarded the Devil’s Anus, others watched over the clutch, and a select few remained stationed in the city.
- She wasn’t just preparing for the game. She was securing her future.
¶ Game Day: Bearded Gnomes vs. The Cultivars
Arriving early, the team watched as Zezz’s warriors took their positions around the stadium, standing silently like sentinels.
Wolschi sat atop Guitardo, who sat very dumbly beside him. The lizard’s tongue lolled out, and he occasionally tried eating the dirt beneath him.
Tidus noticed there was still no Bearded Gnome mascot.
The Cultivars, however, had their full fanfare. Their mascot, a dancing tree surrounded by vines and forest spirits, whipped the crowd into a frenzy. Their fans were out in full force.
Meanwhile, Nuts was losing his mind.
- “He’s jazzed, man,” Tidus muttered. “He’s got something weird planned.”
- What that was… no one knew.
¶ Quarter 1: A Rocky Start
Despite their best efforts, the Bearded Gnomes couldn’t get anything going.
- Cultivars: 7 | Bearded Gnomes: 0
¶ Quarter 2: The Bleeding Continues
- The Cultivars’ unrelenting endurance kept them ahead.
- Despite a nat 20 from Zezz, the team failed to close the gap.
- Cultivars: 16 | Bearded Gnomes: 0
¶ Quarter 3: Desperation Sets In
- The Bearded Gnomes were playing at 2/10 efficiency.
- The Cultivars led 29-0.
- Tidus grit his teeth. "This ain't over."
¶ 4th Quarter – The Comeback Begins
¶ Tip-Off – Tidus Causes the Fumble
The Cultivars lined up confidently, their centaur captain preparing to easily win another tip-off. The whistle blew, and the centaur leapt into the air, snatching the ball with pure athleticism.
But Tidus was waiting.
Instead of going for possession, Tidus lunged low, sliding between the centaur’s legs and clipping his hooves just enough to throw off his balance.
The centaur stumbled forward, hooves skidding, and the ball bounced loose from his grasp.
Before anyone could react, Zezz was already moving.
¶ Zezz Extends the Play
Zezz sprinted toward the loose ball, scooping it up in one smooth motion without losing momentum.
But instead of making a mad dash upfield, she did something unexpected—she ran sideways, keeping the play alive.
Ronnie saw the opening immediately.
Zezz’s unorthodox movement confused the Cultivar defense, pulling defenders toward her while Ronnie slipped through the chaos.
Zezz saw it. She planted her feet, her mandibles twitching in concentration, and let the ball fly.
¶ Ronnie’s Redemption – The First Score
The pass sailed through the air, perfectly placed—a line drive spiraling toward the end zone.
Ronnie never hesitated.
His body moved on pure instinct, cutting past one defender, leaping over another, and tracking the ball the whole way down.
A dryad defender dove at his legs at the last second—but Ronnie was already gone.
The ball hit his hands, and with a final step, he was in the end zone.
The Bearded Gnomes were on the board.
¶ Score: Cultivars 29 - Bearded Gnomes 6
¶ Ronnie’s Redemption
With renewed energy, Tidus took control of the next drive, calling out a deep pass play.
"Ronnie—go deep."
Ronnie grinned and took off, legs moving like liquid poetry.
Tidus let the ball fly.
Ronnie read the arc perfectly, tracking it as defenders closed in.
Fatty—the Cultivars' heaviest lineman—was the last one in position to stop him.
He lunged—but Ronnie was too fast.
The ball landed right in his hands.
One sidestep. Gone.
Ronnie tiptoed into the end zone, barely breaking a sweat.
¶ Score: Cultivars 29 - Bearded Gnomes 12
¶ Fear and Chaos
On the next Cultivar possession, Wolschi donned the Mask of Fear.
The moment the spell took hold, four of the five Cultivar players suddenly dropped the ball and sprinted off the field in sheer terror.
They ran into the tunnel and didn’t come back.
It was now a 5v1.
Ronnie capitalized immediately.
Tidus launched another perfect pass, and Ronnie pulled it in without breaking stride.
¶ Score: Cultivars 29 - Bearded Gnomes 18
¶ The Bearded Gnomes Close the Gap
¶ Ronnie Wins the Tip-Off
The centaur charged forward at the tip-off, leaping to seize the ball. But Ronnie was quicker.
With lightning-fast reflexes, he leapt into the air, just high enough to get a hand on the ball before the centaur could reach it. The ball deflected perfectly into his grasp.
The crowd exploded.
Ronnie, ever the showman, threw his hands up and soaked in the energy of the roaring fans. With a cheeky grin, he tapped into his Fan Favorite ability—boosting the entire team with electric momentum. The stadium was on fire.
(Every Bearded Gnome roll this round would now get an extra boost—this was their moment.)
¶ Ronnie Goes Deep to Tidus
Without hesitation, Ronnie saw his target.
Tidus broke free down the sideline, sprinting toward the end zone, his speed unmatched.
Ronnie cocked back his arm and let the ball fly.
It spiraled perfectly, cutting through the air in a beautiful arc.
The pass was on target.
¶ Torkin’s Green Shell Chaos
The Cultivar defense had no idea what was coming.
Torkin tucked into his shell and launched himself forward like a cannonball—CRASH.
Three defenders went flying like bowling pins, completely wiped out.
One more dirty-trick player tried to interfere—but Torkin steamrolled him too.
With four Cultivar players down, the path was clear.
¶ Tidus Secures the Catch
Zezz and Wolschi held the line, throwing critical blocks to keep the last defender at bay.
Tidus locked eyes on the ball, leaped high into the air, and snatched it clean.
Both feet planted in the end zone.
Touchdown.
The crowd erupted again.
¶ Cheap Shot from the Cultivars
A gnome defender, furious at the turn of events, tried to sneak a shiv attack at Wolschi.
But he missed.
Wolschi didn’t even flinch.
He simply turned, shaking his head. “Pathetic.”
¶ The Score Tightens
Cultivars 29 - Bearded Gnomes 24
The Gnomes were back in it
¶ The Bearded Gnomes Take the Lead
With three Cultivar defenders still stuck in the hole—the Dryad, the Gnome, and the Root-thrower—the field had opened up. It was two versus five, and the Bearded Gnomes weren’t wasting the advantage.
In the huddle, Ronnie took a moment of prayer, bowing his head and calling upon Shabuli’s blessing. He felt the divine energy surge through him, granting him Guidance for what could be a game-changing play.
¶ Tidus Launches a Bomb
The huddle broke. Tidus lined up, eyes scanning the field.
The Cultivars still had one last defender standing in the way. As the Cultivars desperately fought for control, the rest of the Gnomes held their ground.
- Wolschi threw his block—the first was dead even, but in a last-second push, the Cultivar defender broke through his guard.
- Zezz, however, won her block battle, narrowly holding off another attacker.
- Torkin struggled, just barely losing his engagement to another defender. Tidus had no hesitation. He cocked back his arm and let loose a perfect spiral, launching a deep bomb to Ronnie downfield.
The throw was on target.
¶ Ronnie Secures the Catch
Fatty, the lone remaining Cultivar defender, barreled forward, determined to stop Ronnie from completing the play.
But Ronnie was faster.
With cat-like reflexes, he leaped, twisting mid-air, and snatched the ball out of the sky.
Clean catch.
Touchdown.
Ronnie, ever the sportsman, patted Fatty on the back and grinned. “Good job.”
Fatty, clearly conflicted, scowled but gave a begrudging nod.
As the final whistle blew and the crowd erupted in cheers, the Cultivars, despite their loss, showed good sportsmanship. Their Dryad player, still shaking off the effects of Wolschi’s spell, approached Ronnie with a warm smile and wrapped him in a hug.
Ronnie, taken aback for a moment, patted her on the back, unsure how to respond. “Good game,” he finally muttered, still high on the victory.
Meanwhile, the Cultivars' head coach, a familiar face from Ronnie’s past, stepped onto the field. The old coach extended a hand for a firm shake, but the moment Ronnie reached for it, he was pulled in for a tight embrace. Before Ronnie could process it, the entire Cultivars team swarmed in, turning it into a massive group hug.
From the sideline, Wolschi watched, unimpressed. He glanced over at the Dryad and deliberately chose not to dispel the growth spell he had placed on her earlier. She was going to have a rough year.
Across the stadium, Tidus had already moved on to bigger things—his wallet.
He marched into the Bearded Gnomes' management office, ready to discuss raising ticket prices after their incredible comeback story. “This kind of excitement deserves a premium,” he reasoned, suggesting half of the increased revenue go directly into his paycheck.
Then he looked around.
The entire organization had been wiped out in a psychic massacre. There was no management.
A slow grin crept across his face.
He was the management now.
¶ Session 24: Placeholder
¶ Session 25: Blood on the Field, Shadows in the Wings
Final Quarter vs. the Ashen Vultures
As Play 7 began, the Bearded Gnomes held a dominant 65–10 lead. Zezz held possession, executing a sideways run to avoid contact—effectively a dodge action. Ronnie used a clever Create Water spell to make it rain, nullifying the Vultures' heat-based contact damage. Torkin and Tidus provided solid blocks.
Then Nutz made his move.
With Ashwhisper down and hanging by a thread, Nutz executed a brutal dirty trick—plunging a blade into her neck, killing her on the spot. Ronnie had spent much of the quarter stabilizing downed players on both teams, but he couldn’t stop that one.
The Ashen Vultures retaliated.
Cinderwall grappled Torkin. Phoenix unleashed a wall of fire, hitting everyone—Torkin went down. Emberclaw threw a dagger at Ronnie, landing a glancing blow, and Bonefire lobbed a flaming skull grenade. The explosion hit most of the team hard, dealing widespread damage.
Play 8
Zezz ran to the 5-yard line, positioning herself for the final push. Tidus, in a display of athleticism, rolled a natural 20 to rescue Torkin from Cinderwall’s grip and the fire. He then action surged to feed Torkin a healing potion and used Rallying Cry to give everyone temporary hit points.
Ronnie summoned his unicorn spirit totem—flavored as a terrifying jackalope-ware-bunny hybrid—and cast Healing Word, restoring more health across the party.
Cinderwall, now alone on their side of the wall of fire, assessed the field and calmly walked back through the flames. Emberclaw tried a blind dagger toss through the wall and missed. Phoenix took to the air, spotted Nutz, and dropped Scorching Ray, knocking him unconscious. Bonefire launched another flaming skull, injuring multiple players—and accidentally taking down Cinderwall.
Play 9
Zezz, cloaked in stealth, struck from hiding with a crossbow shot at Phoenix. Using Cunning Strike, she forced a Dexterity save. Phoenix failed and fell from the sky, crashing hard and ending her presence in the game. The wall of fire dropped immediately.
Tidus took a potshot at Emberclaw but missed. Ronnie delivered his “clean trick,” stabilizing Nutz.
Torkin stood up, entered a rage, and fired off two rapid hand-crossbow shots at Bonefire, landing solid hits. The Vultures responded by stabilizing both Phoenix and Cinderwall.
Play 10
Zezz waited, ready to throw a net at any Vulture that approached within 15 feet. Ronnie cast Fog Cloud to shroud the field—only he remained visible, leaving the rest of the field in obscuring mist.
Torkin and Tidus both took dodge actions. Bonefire threw another flaming skull blindly into the fog, hitting multiple teammates but failing to turn the tide.
Emberclaw's blind dagger throw went wide—so wide that it struck a spectator.
Final Score:
Bearded Gnomes 65 – Ashen Vultures 10
Ashwhisper was confirmed dead. Torkin revived Nutz with a healing potion (7 HP).
¶ Post-Game Downtime (7 Days)
Player Salaries Paid.
Downtime and Side Quests Available.
Zezz:
Asked Nutz what was needed to build him a workshop. He handed her a 200 gp list and asked if he could use it too.
Zezz established the workshop at the Muffleball training facility and gave him access, requesting in return that he apprentice two Thri-kreen warriors.
Collected her massive order of 175 daggers.
Ronnie:
Assisted Zezz in tending the mushroom garden at the Hive.
Asked the Gewehr of Shabuli for training in using the divination pools. Though the pools are far more complex than what they understand, they helped him grasp the basics.
His pet myconid helped supercharge the mushroom yield in the garden.
Torkin:
Bought two healing potions; gave one to Tidus as repayment for using his during the match.
Took a few days of rest (+1d4 to his rolls in the next first quarter).
Spent remaining days training.
¶ Next Match: Bearded Gnomes vs. The Hollow Men
Ronnie cast Protection from Good and Evil on himself.
Tidus used Rally to grant 10 temporary HP to the team.
The crowd was going wild at the stadium gates.
The Hollow Men appeared: five masked, floating figures in eerie uniformity—all resembling the “Spirited Away” no-face mask. Creepy, silent, and deeply unsettling.
Torkin to Tidus: “We should get uniforms too.”
Zezz Briefed the Team:
Hard to tell the Hollow Men apart.
Their powers revolve around movement and mind games.
Their undead bodies are fragile—brute force works best.
An oppressive aura settled over the field. All players except Ronnie suffered a penalty of -3d4 on their Muffleball rolls in Quarter 1.
¶ Quarter Breakdown:
Quarter 1:
BG Total: 96 | HM Total: 119
Score: HM 23, BG 0
Quarter 2:
Foreboding drops to 2d4 penalty (-8)
BG Total: 68 | HM Total: 112
Score: HM 67, BG 0
Quarter 3:
Foreboding drops to 1d4 penalty (-3)
The crowd, desperate to support the Gnomes, roared encouragement—granting BG players +1d4.
BG Total: 113 | HM Total: 98
Score: HM 67, BG 15
Game paused—Session ended mid-match.
Bearded Gnomes need 52 points in the 4th quarter.
The team is likely preparing to go full Skarn’s Revenge.